Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Passing Of The Year

----by Robert William Service

"My glass is filled, my pipe is lit,
My den is all a cosy glow;
And snug before the fire I sit,
And wait to feel the old year go.
I dedicate to solemn thought
Amid my too-unthinking days,
This sober moment, sadly fraught
With much of blame, with little praise.

Old Year! upon the Stage of Time
You stand to bow your last adieu;
A moment, and the prompter's chime
Will ring the curtain down on you.
Your mien is sad, your step is slow;
You falter as a Sage in pain;
Yet turn, Old Year, before you go,
And face your audience again.

That sphinx-like face, remote, austere,
Let us all read, whate'er the cost:
O Maiden! why that bitter tear?
Is it for dear one you have lost?
Is it for fond illusion gone?
For trusted lover proved untrue?
O sweet girl-face, so sad, so wan
What hath the Old Year meant to you?

And you, O neighbour on my right
So sleek, so prosperously clad!
What see you in that aged wight
That makes your smile so gay and glad?
What opportunity unmissed?
What golden gain, what pride of place?
What splendid hope? O Optimist!
What read you in that withered face?

And You, deep shrinking in the gloom,
What find you in that filmy gaze?
What menace of a tragic doom?
What dark, condemning yesterdays?
What urge to crime, what evil done?
What cold, confronting shape of fear?
O haggard, haunted, hidden One
What see you in the dying year?

And so from face to face I flit,
The countless eyes that stare and stare;
Some are with approbation lit,
And some are shadowed with despair.
Some show a smile and some a frown;
Some joy and hope, some pain and woe:
Enough! Oh, ring the curtain down!
Old weary year! it's time to go.

My pipe is out, my glass is dry;
My fire is almost ashes too;
But once again, before you go,
And I prepare to meet the New:
Old Year! a parting word that's true,
For we've been comrades, you and I --
I thank God for each day of you;
There! bless you now! Old Year, good-bye!"


Monday, December 29, 2008

The weekend that was


So went our christmas extended to anniversary weekend....It was totally fun, except for the return journey. Ahem! We'll come to the bad parts later...

We drove( figuratively of course, i am addicted to the passenger seat. Wouldn't trade that for anything) about six hours, including the one hour we spend chasing V to make him eat breakfast.

Till we were about 20 km from Mahabaleshwar, we were pretty convinced that it could not be as cold as we were told. The sun was blazing, the car Ac was full on, and we were hoping for a winter break?? But lo behold, it.was. cold. The temp suddenly dropped, and Mahabaleshwar was everything that we were told it would be. And yes, it was teeming with people. Half of mumbai seemed to have descended there.

Nevertheless, it was worth the travel. We had two good days roaming, including the famed temples, the breathtaking( heartstopping, is more like it) views from the various points, went boating, and horsing(as V says it), ate all sundry stuff and bought a lot of stuff from the MAPRO farm- like three months worth of jams, crushes, jellies etc.

Personal highs-

- Having TB feed V three times a day, for two days straight. I loooved it. I could totally do another trip to see that. He was completely papa's boy.
- Watching a strawberry garden, and real strawberries( please pardon if i sound completely over the top here- i grew up pretty convinced that strawberry picking was some exotic thing that only children outside india did). I took pictures of strawberries- red , green and all shades. I have hereby gotten oven strawberry madness. And yes, we also has strawberries and cream, like every faithful who comes here.
- Admiring the baby radishes and baby carrots that lines every road. I was sooo tempted to buy all of them.
- Singing along with the car radio, and teaching V the lyrics of " We will, we will rock you"
- Complete lack of mobile network. Ha ha....there was not even one signal bar where we stayed. And there was peace.

Some revelations over the weekend

- I am completely out of form, half a day to all the points , and i was panting like a dog!
- V has inherited a lot of habits from my dad, inclusing a very irritating one of not using the pot when outside his home. He waited till we got back home to do his thing!
- V has motion sickness. He thereby joins the ranks of his mother and grandmother who consider antihistamines among world greatest discoveries.
- I still remain incapable of riding a horse, or rowing a boat, or driving a car. Hmmm! Maybe i should include this into a new year list?
- If ever one needs a romantic holiday, one should find alternate accomodation plans for child.
Child+ Romantic destination= Not happening. Am glad we figured this one out before we plan on a romantic escapade.


The anniversary itself was very eventful, where my stomach and my intestines gave up and had a field day. I was up from 4 AM, emptying the contents of my stomach. Considering the long drive, i had a ' lomotil' and did not have a single drop of water. Despite that,we stopped several times and i threw up( or tried to, rather).
V joined the club and threw up all over his dress. We changed his dress, cleaned up, started,and he threw up again!. Between me and V, poor TB made several stops,i was pretty convinced he would stop and ask " Ok, whose turn is it now?" after some time. He held his fort and got us home very quickly.

We managed to go to the temple and thank god for making sure we have not killed each other by now, and making a petition that it stays that way for the next 50 years.

Then we went to the hospital and and told the doctor all about my stomach and intestines giving up on me. Went home feeling better courtesy one injection and several medicines. The doc called it hyper acidity, and lectured me on skipping meals. TB calls it stupidity- all it needed was one Omez, he says.
Anyways, i now have 3 days worth of disgusting medicines to have, that should put my digestive system back on track.

All in all, a very memorable anniversary, and a weekend that we totally enjoyed. Some pictures from the trip are here.....


V at our place of stay....they had lovely gardens all around..

Father and son walking in the cold night( bad lighting, i know..)

Yay..strawberries!!




And some more strawberries....

Sunday, December 28, 2008

....Love is what makes the ride worthwhile

Dear TB,

Eight years of marriage…feels like a life time. Wonder how it feels to be together when we are together for 50 years. We’ll maybe just wait to find out.

For our eight years together, here are eight songs….Why these 8, if you may ask?
They just remind me of US. I guess that is reason enough.

So here they are, in no order….

“Looks like we made it…” by Shania Twain

This song, totally! We did not have a controversial marriage by any means…there was love, family and lots and lots of faith. For everything that we have been through in the last 8 years…Look how far we’ve come, my baby.

“Somethin’ Stupid…” Frank Sinatra/ Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman

Now this one is your song. For those years when you disguised you love under friendship and never once told me. When you chaperoned me for my dates, and prayed silently that i would get over my crush for someone else. For standing by when my heart was unceremoniously broken. For never proposing, fearing it would even end our friendship. What would have happened to us, if it had not been for that fateful bus trip? I always wonder…..

I thank god for friends who take liberty, and that life changing bus journey.

“I want to stand with you on a mountain…” Savage Garden

There are days when I hate you. When I feel instant divorces should be a reality. Times when I feel I am being taken for granted. When I want to walk out of the house leaving everything behind. Just so you know how life will be without me around.
But those are just 6.5 days out of 365 days in a year. This song is for the remaining days of the year.

When we are older, and been married for maybe 50 years, maybe we could bring the 6.5 days to 6.5 hours..?
”…….i want to live like this forever, until the sky falls down on me”

“Where do I begin…”Andy Williams

Our love story…forever. This song has been around for ever, but none of them say it as well.
“……When I reach out my hands for you, it is always there”

OMG! I think I am beginning to become romantic after 30!!

“I don’t wanna miss a thing…” Aerosmith

Just as the song….

“The best of me…”Bryan Adams

You always get the best of me. And errr..sometimes the worst too… guess it comes as a package.

“ Life’s a highway….” Rascal Flatts

And the drive gets better with you along......taking turns, cutting through edges, swerving, balancing , singing along….and overall, enjoying this drive.

“When you say nothing at all…” Ronan Keating

Sometimes words are just not needed. The look, the smile, the nudge, the reassuring hand, says more than the word. And you know what, those moments stay forever in memory….to be lived over and over again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS: Just realized most of the songs have been sung by a man for a woman. Does that make it inappropriate for me to dedicate them? Not that I care…just so you know:-)

You, and the tiny little fingers holding my other hand are my reason for life, and love, and happiness. Just don’t let go off my hands, ever!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Off to catch a nip in the air...

We are running far away from the mumbai madness for our anniversary....and enjoy a little bit of winter.

Agenda also includes introducing V to horse rides and strawberry picking

More about the trip and pictures when we come back:-)

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Of F's and B's

When my 4 year old wakes up in the morning crying, and telling his dad " B for Baba has got stuck in between.."
What is supposed to be done?

And when i tell him it is only a dream and " we will pull B out from there", he looks at us with gave concern and continues " F is also stuck with B!"

Should i be worried? Is he having an overdose of alphabet learning?

For those who thought the header meant something else, please get your minds disinfected. We don't say such things, at least not loudly, not in front of V.

PS: TB will disagree, he's caught me saying some choice words with V around. Thankfully V has not learnt any YET!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Missing baby Jesus

...and the Nativity scene. I have not seen one in Mumbai yet.

What ever happened to the nativity scene??How could Christmas be complete without that.

I studied in a Convent school, like most of kerala does, and the best memories of christmas was milling around the nativity scene that used to be put up on the first floor landing. Half yearly exams were just before christmas holidays, and one of the days we come in for exams, it would suddenly appear in the same spot, every year,in all splendour. I must have spend hours milling around it, admiring baby jesus,Joseph and Mary, the shepherds, the three kings, the lambs. Awwww..it was just soo cute. Even better was sneaking into the convent where the nativity scene would be in the open, with real hay and grass.

After sunset....Just the christmas stars and nativity scenes with lights on it. It has an almost magical quality to the season. And then there is always the Plum cakes and home made wines...

The last christmas i enjoyed was with a couple close to us, at their family home, with their entire clan in presence. We ate like there was no tomorrow, talked like it was the last day of our lives, and drank home made wine till we passed out. We also officiated V , by giving him his first glass of wine, which he loved and came around for more.

As of yesterday, our complex has one visible christmas star,which is on our balcony!!! What ever happened to the christmas spirit?

Christmas here, now seems to be more about SantaClaus and the Christmas tree( "X mas tree mama"- as V says it now). Actually more about christ- massy decorations and discounts. And no, i have not even heard one carol till today.

Can i please have the old fashioned christmas festivities please?? It does not feel like christmas at all....Waaahh!

..........so dang bad, it is not even cold, even at night.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Saturday , Sunday & Monday

Saturday

is the day V and me with his friend and mom watched Madagascar 2. BIG cinemas ran out of caramel popcorn for the day after that. After-effects of movie include a hidesign bag still holding remnants of caramel popcorn and a big dent in bank balance. Snack counters should be banned in movie theatres. Period.

Sunday

is the day V got himself a 101 Dalmations bedcover set. He also lovingly offered me the cheeseless garlic bread from Pizza Hut after eating off the cheese in one large bite.He also managed to get his butt frozen staying in the swimming pool with TB.I had to towel his butt his back into shape!

Monday

is the day Santa bought gift for V from Crosswords. Santa aka Mom aka Me, bought the red car with remote in anaticipation of wrangling out best behaviour for the next three days.Now plotting action plan to get the best out of " Santa will bring your gift if....."* wicked smile*

Off i go....on a broom

Friday, December 19, 2008

And so we celebrate..at office


I work a very small office. Small, in the number of employees there are. Considering that in my first job, i was one among 350 employees and in the second one, i was one in some 10, 000 odd, the current figure of 14 is sounding very miniscule.

That means there are no material perks, i can't throw around the " Oh , i am an employee of xxx, so please make sure you put that corporate discount in the bill" line anymore.I do not get vouchers for anniversaries that i forget to reedem till December 30th, when they read " valid till Dec 31st", and then i run off and buy some crap to make use of it.

But here, what i do have is a bunch of colleagues, who are a like a family in itself. All of us know a lot about each other, way too much may be :-)*wink*
I am the last entrant into the team, the rest have been around for ever, i think. I can work peacefully, without being paranoid that the colleague in the next cubicle is scheming to get me ousted( which was the case last time around, there was always some one after my job) First the stress of having a job, then the stress of managing to keep it..too much.
Well, no more.

In the office, we celebrate everything that fancies us....diwali, onam, ganesh chathurthi, eid, india winning a match, completion of 1 year( mine, mine), completion of 8 years, 15 years( yeah, that how long some of them have been around), buying a house, selling a house, a project well completed...anything. All we need is reason to order food and keep at it.

PS: I have figured out that as long as i am here, i will never lose weight. There is someone ordering something to eat , all thought the day, all days of the week. And very lovingly , it is bought is excess to share will everyone.

Today we had our christmas party(if you insist on calling it by a name- for us it is JUST another opportunity to eat:-)). Topped with some gift exchange. The gifts are numbered and picked in random, and they cannot exceed 100 rs.

So here are some pics of the party food( which is the focus of the party BTW)

Those chutney sandwiches and the delectable dip and some of the cakes are home made. Wow!

Our small tree with the gifts around it.


There was carols playing in the background and it is christmas time again. Now all we need is winter( probable) & some snow( in my dreams).

On a side note, i DO need to check the carols CD that was playing. Since when did " Last Christmas" become a carol?!!

Ciao, till we find another excuse to gorge.


Thursday, December 18, 2008

If only i could...

8.15 AM- ten minutes to schoolbus

V is having a standoff- holding onto his clothes , insists on being dressed by TB who is in the bathroom, right in the middle of shaving.

Me, almost ready, barks at him from the bedroom that he can stay back if he does not allow to be dressed NOW.



8.17 AM

Me, dressed, steps out and sees V , still holding on to dress, braving tears.

Sits down and gets him dressed. He hugs and does not let go. Gets him dressed, tell him he needs to sleep in the afternoon , else he will be cranky in morning.

V nods, looks up and says "Amma House'l irikko?"- " Will you stay at home ?".
*Gathers up self* " Why kanna?"

" Kannunt'e koode irikko?"- "Will you stay with me?"
* fumbles*" Of course i will..but i have to be at office, i promise i will come soon, then we will......"

TB comes in time,takes V's shoes from my hand and saves me from the disgace of weeping before i leave for work.But.....


In my head, i am perennially questioning my decision to stay a working mom....

-When i realize my baby is growing up , and i am missing seeing him do that.
-Those few moments when before i sleep, realizing i have not hugged or kissed V as much as i wanted.
- When i realize that TB and me have not had a decent conversation in days.
- When we are so tired, we crash on both sides of the bed like strangers...
- When i want to make something special and realize it will have to wait for the weekend. Three hours of commute is. no.fun
- when i have not called family in days because it was past their bedtime when i wrapped up my day.

I enjoy my work, and it was a conscious decision to get back to work after 3 months of having V. We had an option of moving to two different cities then. TB had an offer from a very large company , but the posting was at a remote location. The other offer was from a not so big organization, but it was a bigger city, and i had the option of taking a transfer there.

I was very big on continuing to work so off we went with option 2.

Of late, we have made some significant investments in life..and the first thing TB said was, "now we need your income more than ever". We have never compromised on life- till now, the going has been good. We have EMI's , bill's and now, V's schooling. Additional income is very very welcome. I do not make a great deal, but it counts.

When V was smaller, it was emotionally manageable.I guess it was also because i had my sis living in with us. She was my support system. Now that he is almost four, and we are on our own, i miss being with him more than he does i guess. It is more like a realization that very soon, he may not need me around. And i will be left with a sense of deprivation, of not having been around as much as i wanted to be.

Everytime he turns difficult, i end up questioning my parenting skills. Am i not doing something right? I read a lot of other mom's a feel better that it is not just me. Still does not help that wave of guilt that washes through, more often now than ever.

I hope that TB gets a job somewhere far away, in some other part of the world. Then i will have the perfect excuse to quit and stay at home with V and TB. I can't think of any other excuse to quit working now.

But i SO want to be at home when V returns from school, do things with him. I SO want to feel a little more energetic when TB is back, so i have enough time to just snuggle up. Have time to talk to him about anything other that reminding him to finish this work, pick up this stuff etc.

What i would not give for that day!

Friday, December 12, 2008

The D with legs

So, we have been practising our alphabets for a while. About two months, or something close to that..

After the last parents meeting, after which we( i) resolved to be a complete hands on mom on education, we have made miles of progress. Reading out alphabets where ever he feels fancy is one...asking me for the word is another favourite exercise.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
V reading out random alphabets from anywhere....

V: Mama what is " f.u.n"
Me: That is " fun", as in "masti"

V: "s.a.m.s.u.n.g"...whats that?
Me: Oh..that is " samsung"- it is the name of our fridge.
V: What is the name of the fridge at ammamma's place?
Me: * racks brains- hollow sound*" Hmmm..i think we'll ask her when we call next?"

V: * reading paper over my shoulder* "a.t.t.a.c.k"
Me: "Aahhh...here's your Noddy book. Which story you want me to read?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------
We also write and draw...


That's A, B, H , E and D- which V decided looks better with legs and eyes and ultimately turned into a "bug"


And that is Papa, Mama, himself , and jellyfish( please don't ask why the jellyfish)

I love the picture....see how slender mama is looking , exactly like in real life...
No? errr..okay.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tomorrow is next parents meeting...updates after that.






Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Who do they stand for, anyway???

I read this article today, and wondered what our elected representatives really stand for????

Which exactly was the section of voters these two were trying to represent? Not me, for sure. They held up the flight for four hours inconveniencing other passengers, who had been offered an alternative, but thanks to these two “representatives of the people” were grounded…literally.

I am embarrassed to say i belong to the state they represent (for sure they do not represent my ideals!), and still can’t get over the statement by one of the MP’s- “Our intention was not to cause any inconvenience to the passengers, We wanted to highlight the hardship being suffered by Kerala-bound passengers for quite some time.”

Yeah..right! By refusing to de plane an aircraft with a technical snag, by holding up the departure of an alternate flight for four hours, for inconveniencing the 144 people who has the practical wisdom to move to another plane.

Way to go Mr. MP’s…you have earned your sound bytes, the national media attention you wanted… ….Who cares if this is at the expense of voters who elected you to an MP?

…and by the way, I am still clueless who you were representing? Maybe just yourself???

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Nursery admission saga

First the news….

V has got admission into Junior KG!!! By Mumbai standards, it is bigger than making it into a professional college, or so I was told.

For what it is worth, Mumbai just does not have enough schools, and not just reputed schools, just any school. I could say that again and again. I meet people who refuse to move to Mumbai, because getting admissions is Mumbai is a pain in the a**. I had colleagues who were still fighting for an admission in February last year and had resigned myself to the same fate, mentally. It has been a year of angst.

Thankfully we stay in that part of Mumbai which has more schools that the rest of the city. I have been calling up schools, picking up forms, filling them out like we are applying for a PG abroad, and wondering why am I doing so much for the admission of a 4 year old????????

TB and I have studied state board till tenth, and personally I think both of us have done decently in life. It was a little difficult to absorb the obsession about school/ brand / status etc. I still don’t get it. Schools here prefer children with non working mothers, so that they have a family support system. So what is my education worth? Peanuts? I could be a post PhD and a doctor, but………….
“Sorry maam, the school policy prefers to have one stay in parent”. That was the exact line said to my senior colleague, who is a Harvard Business school alumnus, by a “reputed” south Mumbai school. The next time around, she was wiser, she got through, by “lying through my teeth, because that is what they wanted to hear”.

I did not want to lie; I did not want to play down my status and achievements in life. Neither did I want to compromise on his education. The biggest gift that our parents have given us was our education, and we want V to have the best, always. This school was one among the two that I secretly hoped V should get into. It was closest to our house, and the bus comes into our complex, and the review is quite good. And above all, it has a mix of kids from all walks of life. I firmly believe that what we learn in early years form our personality and social foundation, and i definitely do not want him to feel like a very " priviledged" child. He should be able to distunguish between his 'needs' and 'wants'....and i wanted a school where he will learn to appreciate what he has in life and not take it for granted.

Before we walked in, TB said” I am nervous”, and I replied “So am I, but let’s just go and be ourselves. And leave the rest to almighty”. Thankfully, this interview was much better that I expected. Of course they asked everything about me and TB except our horoscopes (which even we have no clue about), and both of us were equivocal.

TB was asked what he had heard about the school and why we chose to apply there. I could almost hear him say “because my wife says this is a decent school and because you called us for the interview”. But the man rose to the occasion and fed them some bull shit about how he has heard from some of our neighbors’, who send their children here about all the good feedback some crap like that. I can vouch for the fact that he does not even know one of those “so called neighbors” he has quoted. But anyhow, they seemed to have bought the story.

The star of the day, however, was the boy himself, who has been showing all the signs of a stand off minutes before we entered the interview room.

He sat where he was asked to, answered all the questions, shied away from singing a rhyme and looked down (!). The clincher was when the principal (I am assuming so) asking him

P: " Why do you want to come to this school?" (Tell me, how does a 4 year old boy respond to that question. I can’t imagine!!!!I was quite sure he would say something in lines of I don’t want to come here)
But surprise, he says” This is a big school”. So what does “princi the porcupine” do? Stop there? No. she goes on….

P: Which school do you study now?
V: “xyz” (current school name)

P: Is that not a big school? Why you want to come here? (I could have strangled her; she was asking all this to a 4 year old!!!)
V: “No, that is a small school, this is a biiiiiig school”*complete with actions*

Then P the Porcupine called him around and gave him a chocolate. He took that, and asked for more, for” papa and mama”. They laughed as they told us that he was admitted! Considering they told most of parents to come back and check the list for admission later on, I re checked again, to make sure I had heard properly. We had made it…..yippee

Phew! That was close. I had thought we had lost out on the rhyme part. It could not have been so simple? We walked out grinning like fools, and very very relieved. We still have to fork out a huge amount as fees, but for now, we have a seat to send him to next June, and better still, at a place we wanted.

Right now, I am feeling like V has made it to Harvard, or Leeds or Princeton…trust me, the paperwork is as much, and so is the relief.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Scene & Heard

I am opening the kitchen cupboard to take out some stuff for making dinner. Then...

V: " What you taking?"
Me-* without looking at him, answers* : "I am taking XYZ"

V: "Why you no ask before opening cupboard, i have told you no opening"
Me-*acts along*: " Okie , can i please open the cupboard and take xyz?"

V- * standing arms folded* : "No, that is not for mama"
Me : " Please?"

V- * finger pointed* " Just one, no more , okay?"
Me: " Okie Sir, anything else?"

V: " And close the door after you take it"
Me * hitting self with closest available object*


TB is switching channels and settles on an action movie...

TB* Increases volume by two points*
V: " Why is this so loud, reduce the volume, i can't hear anything"
TB* Glares at me*
Me* Conveniently looks away*

At dinnertime- me coaxing valiamma to have dinner and go to sleep, she insisting she does not want dinner tonight...

Me: " No, you can't sleep without eating anything, you'll get acidity in the morning"
V* chips in helpfully*: "Valiamma, eat your dinner, how will you grow otherwise??. How will you become big like papa and go to office, how will you grow muscles like popeye?. Come ,eat fast"
Valiamma* ROFL*

Me cooking...

V* walks into kitchen, stands and looks at my antics*
Me* With great elan , removes the roti from the griddle and puts it on direct flame for it to puff up*

V*Visibly upset*: " The roti is crying , waaahhh waaahhh"
Me: "Why Kanna?"

V: " You are burning it no?, that's why"* walks off*
Me* flabbergasted*

V refusing to eat breakfast in the morning and wailing....

Me: " You have exactly five mins to eat and get ready,stop crying NOW"
V:* Another wail and fresh batch of tears*

Me* exasperated*: " Is there a reason you are crying now??"
V* shakes head to say NO, then shakes head vigorously to say YES*

Me* Feeling gulity for being a non empathizing mother- in my most endearing voice*: " What is it kanna? Why are you crying?
V:"The fan is slow"

Me: WTF!



Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Forgetting comes without trying...the fear lasts

It is almost a week after the carnage in Mumbai and we have moved on..well, almost. We are back at work, at school, and are worried about the cabs going off roads from tomorrow..

But this time, it has not been easy. It IS not easy...the fear, the paranoia has stayed on.

On monday morning, the train was eerily silent. Unknown people did not smile at each other,did not abuse the crowd and it stung.
If the train stopped for more than a minute, worried heads looked out to see why, - has there been another incident?
If a phone was answered with a concerned " what?", everyone perked up to know the rest of conversation...did something happen?
On a regular day in mumbai locals, no one bothered, even if you would have been announcing divorce over the phone!. This time, it is different.

Three days i stayed home, glued to television, starting from 10.00 PM on 26/11.I read and re read the papers, every piece of article written. I wanted to slap mainstream media for their irresponsible coverage. I read my thoughts here, here and here. And several more thought provoking ones like this, this and this.

We were to take V for the Disney Show, and found it difficult to explain why Mickey was not coming to see him. He solved my dilemma, by asking me if it was because of the fire he saw on TV..the fireman was " pouring water- so how will mickey come?". He also added " Mama, don't watch gunfighting and fire today, ok?"
I switched off the TV, went down with him to the park and thanked god for my life.

TB went to work when the rest of the city was scampering back to the safety of their homes. He spent the nights there....and came back to his family three days later.
I think it was right of him to do that...his guests needed the moral support. To trust in this city, in our genuine concern.

I received several messages asking to light candles, to rally and so on. I did light a candle, on 27th night, and prayed that the people still held captive may live to see another dawn.
And no, i did not light any other candle to show my solidatiy for the city, i did not join in any peace march, nothing.

I CARE, as much or maybe more.
But this time, i do not just want to light a candle and show my solidarity. I want to be able to contribute, to help, to be the change i want to see. As a citizen, i do not know what i can do. And that, i think is the biggest failure of our nation.

The biggest let down of all, has been the way the people who are supposedly leading us have acted during this entire episode.
-From our president who thought her presence was not required as the goverment was capable- capable of what????
-Our PM and leader of opposition could not even agree to travelling together!
-The cheif minister, who decided to make this a picnic,
-the home minister whose words of wisdom will not be forgotten too soon,
- a CM elsewhere who fell below his level by retorting at the family of a brave soldier thus. Grief is very personal.
"Mr. CM, grief is very very personal, unless i ask you to share mine, please do not trespass"- will someone please say that to all the polilicians??including this chameleon?

Everyone i know has either a friend, a relative , an acquaintance of someone they know who has been there during the ordeal...we spend the non working hours talking about the various narratives we hear..some real, some untrue, some rumours....

Of course, in another few days, we will forget and get back with bickering on trains. Marine Drive and Gateway will have its nocturnal visitors again...

As i step out to work each day , all i pray for now is to be able to come home in the evening and share the day with my loved ones.That is all i need for now, and ever.