Matching and match making

Vasanthi took a sip of coffee and mentally noted that it tasted nothing like what she made at home. "Has to be machine coffee"- she said to herself, and looked at Narayanan to convey her opinion. He was lost in tea, and the taking in the house and the imported stuff around. She sighed! he was always that way, never worried about future.

But she was the mother, she had to be worried. Aparna was their only child. This was her life they were to judge.

This was to happen, she thought. The moment you send a girl of marriageable age to work in another city, you mentally prepare to be able to face this day. There was nothing wrong with the boy- he was smart, had a good job, family sounded decent, but they were US returned.

In the last five minutes that she was in the house, she sensed that their living was nothing like that of a palakkad iyer family. How would aparna fit in? She might get along with the boy, but will his family be able to accept apu as she is- despite his assurances that they were not all that US influenced.

Their first visit, and no family at home.Just the boy's mother and brother and the servants- is this how a " veedu pakkal" was done? She wanted to nudge narayanan and tell him her opinion then and there. But he rolled his eyes.. and made her keep her mouth shut.

But then, she found nothing against them. They were happy with apu working, they were not insisting the couple stay with them after marriage, and they did not want anything from the girls side.

Vasanthi was still troubled...she still was missing a link. A thread of familiarity that would make her feel this was 'the' family for apu to be at. Well, she would have to just tell apu that something about the entire thing was bothering her and she needs time.

Her face told narayanan what he needed to know. It was time for them to leave. He figured it was not going to be easy to explain this to aparna, but it had to be done.

Vasanthi asked to use the the bathroom before she left , she was led into the house, filled with alien looking gadgets and fixtures that worried her to no end. She dried her face with the fluffy towel and mentally framed her response to aparna.

Then, from the corner of the eye, she saw it- the dried loofah stuck behind the window pane, and the small square of stone in a corner to scrub feet, and the several bindi's stuck on the mirror...

She smiled, this must be the sign- they were not so different after all.

She walked out to tell narayanan that maybe, this was the place. She had just found the missing link..

Of being mother goose...

I have been...always ready with a word of advise, a plan, a way forward such stuff....the quentessential mother goose of the premises- keeper of secrets, agony aunt.

Always wondered what made people turn to me? Not that it mattered,still!

But now,

I have this small tidbits of conversation with someone in the family i am very fond of, almost everyday. She is battling grief of magnitude and kind that a lot many of us have never been exposed to.

She asks me questions, and i hesitate to respond. I can't just be agony aunt to her and give her a pep talk on " all will be well" or " this is destiny". There are enough people to tell her that. The magnitude of her questions overwhelm me. I have to step into her shoes, think over how i would react and respond in a situation and then reply to her.

I realize then the difference between advicing and guiding .

Advice i can- because the consequences are for the implementer to face. But a guide cannot- the hand needs to be held till the end of the cliff, and make sure they land on their feet.

I don't know if what i say makes a difference in her thought process, or for that matter if they are even registering in her mind now. None of what is say may translate into her life, ever.

But for me, i am forced to re think the way i respond to people- reciprocating the faith, the responsibility that comes along, and the realization that this is what i stand for in life.

Friday of paradoxes

It was a friday of paradoxes.

First was the guy who managed to ask the cab to take him to a different place, exactly the moment i asked to be taken to office, this after 15 mins of waiting for a cab!!! In true mumbai fashion, we decided to share the cab, since he had to cross my office to reach his destination, despite my apprehension of his appearance and demeanor.

So he got into the front seat with the driver, and we rode in silence( another of those gems of mumbai culture), and when i was alighting, handed him my share of the cab fare.

He turns to me and says " i would never ask my sister to share cab fare".And goes onto add" Have a good day sister", and moved on. Needless to say, i was happy that a stranger helped me.

The same evening, i waited outside the station to get an auto to take me home. After 25 mins, one conceded. A smartly dressed guy, carrying a laptop who was standing in line behind quickly came up and asked if he could share the auto as he was headed to the same place. I quickly thought back to the morning's incident, decided it was my chance to repay the niceties, and said " sure, we can"

This is what followed.....

Like every courteous stranger, we sat at extreme ends of the seat. I promptly started to read the " Brad Meltzer" book from where i left off. He was sitting crouched, with a hanky covering his nose, which i assume was dust protection.

>>>2 mins into the ride..

Me: Where exactly do you have to get down at C...?

He: Just before we reach there, i'll will tell you when we are about to reach.

Me: Ok.

>> 5 mins later...

He: I am not feeling too well.

Me: ok, so...what ?

He: Can i lie down on your lap?

Me: Of course not!!!!*stares daggers*

He : Please, i really went to lie down( he said 'want to' and not 'need to')

Me: *fuse blows** in my most threatening tone*. Ok, you could get down here, take another auto/cab . There will be enough place to lie down all the way to your home or maybe hospital.

He: Ok, i'll get down.

I had the auto guy stop and let off this man then and there. Then the auto guy and me had a hearty laugh. He drops me home and says" Appearances are so deceptive madam. He looked like he was a very decent office wala chap". ........So did i, buddy, so did i.

Lesson learnt, no more sharing autos. Niceties can go die!

The second step , or maybe the tenth, or 50th....

Sometime last year, i blogged about how i was fighting off the urge to be superwoman.

Six months down the year, i am fairly sure i have started getting comfortable with the pace of this journey.

My to do lists are shorter, and more doable. I can stay at home the whole day and not feel i have wasted productive hours. I can sit and watch TV/ read/ play with V without making a mental list of what is left to do around home.

I no longer feel guilty about spending 2 hours for a pedicure, or reading a book. The number of days we stay at home and do nothing have increased, so has our happiness quotient. Those are always the best days. The one's where we say, no plans for today- and while our Sunday away.

I still re arrange the cushions everytime i pass by the sofa, keep picking up toys and lose my head over lights and fans not switched off and wet towels on the bed.

I said i will start enjoying the journey. Who said anything about reforming myself? That is not going to happen, in a long long time.

As we cross over to the next year.....

I stopped making new year resolutions a while ago.

After the initial euphoria, they eventually become another chore i try to keep up with.

It was easier making a list of things that i would want to do, and see how many i can achieve in that..

Here is some for the coming year...

• Love a lot more, hate a little less.
• Learn to listen what words don't say.
• Be able to be there for my own, and not expect them to do the same.
• Make new friends, and cherish the one's i already have..
• Be my son's best friend, and my partners soulmate. Be the home they want to return to every evening.
• End the year with as many loved ones and family or maybe more than i start it with- not less.
• Be able to give my best shot to every task in undertake, personally and professionally.
• Give hope only when i can deliver, and be able to understand and accept my limitations.
• Be the change in someone's life.
• Spend time with loved one's , doing nothing.
• Travel and see two places i have never been to before.

And finally, ....Be able to live upto my own expectations, and have the courage to face life, as it comes.

Have a great start to 2010 , all of you.May the year bring you the best ever experiences, memories, lots of love, health and of course wealth too.

What is your child to you?

That sounds like a question from "ask the doctor" column, even to me.

But really, what do they mean to our lives? What changes have they bought to us as a person?

Love/ Responsibility/Caring and all that emotions apart? Is there one single change that a kid brings to your life?

To me, i think it is the acceptance and realization of what is do-able and what is not. Of being able to understand reality as it is, and not fool myself into believing i can do more than i am capable of. Also a catalyst to find several resources in me, one's that i never knew existed.

With my child, i am just myself. I see in him an extension of both our personalities. He brings out the best and worst in me. In his eyes, i see myself as the world sees me. And there, i measure myself as a person. He, is my reality check- and a very effective one at that.

What is yours?

Little updates on life

It has been a long hiatus. Longest ever in my short blogging history.

Partially caused by the work load, and a good measure due to some not so nice happenings at family end, and additional thanks to other kinds of social media that one has discovered of late and has got heavily addicted to.

Saying something when you want to has it's own charm.

But then, once in a while, there is that urge to write more than 140 characters.

Not much has changed in my life. I still wrap life around the almost 5 year old, who vehemently protests when i say '4 going on 5'. In his mind, he is already six, and aspires to be 8.

The age 8 is very significant here. That is the age of his first cousin, who is his idol these days. Of course, someone who demonstrates -"how to jump of ledges and land with minimal damages" and " how to hang of door frames" and whistle!!, - has to be looked upon> no arguments there.

The husband, as always lives to work and spends 10 hrs spare time at home( 6 hours sleeping+ 1 hr for dinner+ 2 hours reading paper in the loo+ 1 hr doing i don't know what).

And i have been my usual self. Striving and constantly trying to be superwoman. Someday i'll reach there. Till then, i will develop my most coveted trait- procastrination. Some one has to, you see.

I am guilty of not reading a lot of my favorite blogs for a while, and not responding to comments. And have found a lot more blogs /people that blog. Should add them to reading list too.

Thank you forcoming back to read me and waiting it out while i practised procastrination. Hope i am worth it . I'll come around to all your blogs soon.

*celebrity style air kisses* ...*mwaah, mwaah...*