Do you judge a person?

Do you judge people during your first interaction? And categorize them in different brackets?
I do not. I am quite tolerable when it comes to people.
Frankly, i think it is more of that "i don't care as long as it does not affect me" attitude that i use when meeting people.

But once in a while, there comes along a person who forces you to judge. Sometimes with just a 10 min interaction. I did that yesterday. And it has been eating me since then.

I want to a birthday party with kid y'day. We were late- it was a work day and there was no way we could be there before that. But since i promised the kid, i took him to their house for a quick wish and dash. Apart from us, there was only another couple who were present.We walked in , wished, gave the gift , and of course were offered the cake . Those 10 minutes when the kid was wolfing down the cake, i made small talk with the mother- i apologized for the delay and blamed it on my commute from work. The father of the child   (who i have never met before), who was party to this conversation took over then.He asked about the kids school, how long we have been here etc.

Suddenly, out of the blue, he asks me " What does sir do?"

It took me a minute to understand that he was referring to the husband as "Sir". My first instinct was to tell him that the name was not "sir". So i kept quite and answered him. The b'day girls mom helpfully added that i work in the city and hence we were late. He acknowledged it with a nod, and continued asking me what the husbands job was all about. I was surprised that he did not ask me what i do. So clammed up after a while.

A little while later, another guest walked in, he introduced the couple who had come in before us to them. He mentioned where they stay, and what the husband did for a living and the lady as " his wife". There was no mention about her work. She was a working professional as well, and he felt no need to introduce her as a professional. I was aghast.

I my mind, i was thinking that he had judged me - because i was a woman, and maybe not capable of holding a job of any value.Same with the other lady guest.

In that moment, i judged him. As someone i probably will have no respect in life for. I wondered how he must be introducing his wife to people in his social circle. I am pretty sure he says "this is my wife", without taking her name.

And it kept eating me.That fact that i had formed an opinion of some one i had met barely 10 minutes before. I told myself that i was being silly, that i was maybe being harsh. maybe he wasn't like that. But when i woke up this morning, i felt better about judging him.

No, i am not married to "sir", and he does not introduce me as " my wife". If someone cannot identify me as a person with a distinct personality, it is his loss. And i still hold my judgement against him.

Of a missing child and his mother..

In the many years of my existence, i have made a mental list of things that can go wrong with my life and feared for it every other day. Classic symptoms of being a worry wart.

After i had V , my list of things that can go wrong increased exponentially. It varied from him falling off the bed and breaking his nose to elaborate hijacking of the vehicle we were travelling etc(yes,  i can be very creative at times). The biggest of them being losing him in a crowd, of him getting separated , and me not being able to find him.

I read about parents losing their children and shudder, wondering how they cope with it. I read of children going missing and wonder, how do the parents survive with the realization that their child "maybe somewhere"? I don't think i can. I met such a mom this weekend.

We( me and V) were on a train for a short trip and less than an hour into our travel, a lady, dressed like many people who we see living on the platforms of mumbai , was escorted into the AC compartment by one of the pantry car attendants, as all the TC's for that train were congregated in the seats next to us.

He explained that he had found the lady standing near the door of the train and howling looking outside, after the train had started. From their halting conversation in actions, he understood that her child was left behind in one of busiest platforms on mumbai city, along with her bags. He then helped her look for the kid in all the compartment, failing which he bought her to the TC.

I shuddered, thinking of what she must be going through. Turned out she could only speak her native tongue, which only i understood. So i ended up translating her story.

She was a street dweller, one among the many that come to mumbai in search of a better life, live that fickle of life with someone , get dumped with a kid, and run back home with all their belongings. She was at her station, running back with all her belongings in two bags, and a baby boy about 2.5 years old. She had a midnight train that came into the platform , and decided to spend the time waiting out there.
Our train came in , halted, and she in her ignorance thought that the train was going to be stopped for a while. She bought a packet of snacks, gave it to the baby boy and made him sit with the bags, and decided to use the bathroom in the train.

She came out of the bathroom to find the train moving out of the platform , with here baby and bags left behind.
She was what i could best describe as a shattered soul.I made her sit on the seat while the TC's got in touch with the station officials  with patchy network. Then coordinated for her to be dropped off at the next station and sent back . And called the station where she boarded and intimated them to start searching for the kid and bags. I kept assuring her all will be ok, that she will be back with the kid soon.

In my mind, i doubted my words. A vast station,crowds milling for an opportunity- a child and two bags are easy to disappear, and said a silent prayer. After she got down, i hoped she does find the child, safe and sound. Then i held V's hands, and held him close, and never let him out of my sight.