Reinforced relationships

Does it happen to all? when confronted with grief and sadness, family suddenly becomes a closer unit.

Over the years, i see it happening again and again and marvel the fact that people with contradicting opinions about everything in life, the one's who cannot stand each other, suddenly are united for the same cause. The differences magically seem to dissolve and both sides start seeing things with a lot more clarity and practicality.

The last two weeks have been so. There is still no respite, no answers, but there are a lot more conversations, assurances and an unbelievable amount of collective effort and prayers around us. We are hoping they will translate into goodwill and bring upon us a miracle.

But, in the meanwhile, it has made some of us bury our demons and skeletons from the cupboard- and ensure they do not return, ever.

If not for anything else, this phase has reinforced a lot of relationships that were otherwise dormant in the family. Now we wait for the miracle that all of us have been praying for.

Heartbreak

It has been ages since i blogged. Blame that on...myself.

It is always, later. Except that later meant- when i am done with all other priorities- more like, forever. I promised myself that i will resume blogging once back from the vacation. But then, i am queen of procastrination. And just when i have time to blog, there have been some developments at homefront. Some testing times for the family.

The vacation story will have to wait a bit longer.

God has a way of subtly telling us that life isn't all ha ha he he....he gives you pleasure on one hand, and agony on the other. Take both and live with it.

Someone close to me, someone i am very fond of, is going through a crisis that is life altering , hers and everyone around hers. On one hand, she has been gifted with a precious gift, and on the other, she sees her life balanced by a thread. To her, her life as she knows has altered, the coming months will define her life for the rest of years to live.

At times like this, when nothing is under our control, what does one do?

Accentuate the happiness and mask the grief?

Tone down the happiness and let the grief tide over?

Being party to both her happiness and sorrow,the lines between them blur at times.

At times, my thoughts go astray...tomorrow may be my turn.

Will i stay strong and make my destiny or will i give in and let my fate take over like an ivy?

What do i advice her?

To pray and expect a miracle?

To be strong enough to know that a miracle may not happen?

To be prepared for whatever life brings her?

I am here, miles away from her, praying for a miracle, hoping she has the strength to know a miracle may not happen, and praying that no one goes through what she is experiencing now.

To S: Always the fighter, always the one who benchmarked your life against someone better. The one who pushed against all the barriers. You are braver than you think.

Things will get better. I just know. You deserve it.

Love,

A

Here here...look this way.

Just a note to let you all know...

Halloween is past...Am back from the dead.

Happy after a holiday, sad that it ended.

And hoping to read posts from all my favourite bloggers and maybe post something of my own too.

Love all.

My seasons of senses..

If someone asked me 10 years ago what my favorite season was- i would have gladly said- summer. Purely for the fun of having vacations. Physically it did not matter. There were only 3 seasons as i remember growing up...

The rainy season ,

The windy season with no rains and when it i not very hot,

The summer season when one was always outdoors, unmindful of the heat and perspiration.

Over the years, one figures out seasons by senses, more than actual days...

A season when you cannot wear a cotton kurti and feel comfortable.

A season when one steps out and smells fresh flowers everywhere.

A season where mornings are misty and the morning water from the tap stuns the face...

A season when the horizon is a dull brown, and one when it is lush green..

One where you find greenish molds on bottles not opened for two weeks

When one clip is not enough to hold the clothes back on the clothesline..

When one can dry a load of clothes in half a day, and another where it takes two days...

When hot soup feels like bliss and another where ice cold water feels like heaven.

One just senses the change...

Two days ago, a golden yellow sky suddenly turned menacing dark, thunder and lightworks galore. The cloudburst left crowds stranded for cabs, drenched to the core.

Teeth chattering, clutching onto my bag for warmth, my heart saddens.The winds have changed direction, the rains are no longer going to be falling into my bedroom.

The monsoon , or what ever little of it was there, is officially over.

I become that grey hornbill, slowly scraping its beak against the aged bark, waiting for the next showers.

Silly somethings

On days like this,

when summer threatens to appear

I want to dissappear.

Under the cool blue water,

I could become a fish

Alas, its only a wish

I could just run home,

Snuggle under the bedcover

And take time to recover

I could leave for the hills

And stand facing the breeze

And not even mind a freeze

Instead, i sit here and stare

at this screen in a daze

Hoping to get out of this maze

Some lost feelings..

Edited to add: Very regional post ahead. Please pardon. Could not get it out in any other language.

It is Onam.

3 days of celebrations... and 10 days of preparation for that.

--Ammamma overseeing the quality of mud used to make mather/ thrikkakkara appan, and allowing us to make small utensils with mud to be kept around the mather. The pleasure of compring the neatness of small mathers' with sister and cousins

--Waking upto find dusted and polished "pookkooda"( flower basket) kept outside the verandah, ready to be picked up and dash off.

...scurrying to pluck the best flowers before the neighbour's kids get at them.

-- turning up our nose at the circle of plastered cowdung to put pookkalam, and forgetting about it as soon as the pookkalam takes shape

--Sticking flowers into tiny sticks and balancing them precariously around the mather. Selecting the best flower of the day to go right on top.

--The fun of crushing ladies fingers leaves into the arimaavu/ kolam maavu to make it easier to write the names. Watching mom write down all our names and stars around the Matheru. Watching the list get bigger each year with new kids being added to it...

The pookkalam and sadya were a given. That would happen anyway.

It was these small moments that made our onam.

Now, for Onam, we make pookkalam with market bought flowers, make sadya with all the dishes, but these small moments are what i miss giving my son.

Today he knows Onam as a festival. Someday, i hope he understands the spirit of Onam as i did.

Till then, we will live in this farce of a celebration.

Ignore my rants ..... Go ahead and have a happy and properous Onam.

Break point

When two people have been married for a for a while, do they start accepting each others shortcomings as normal, or does that lie as an undercurrent in the relationship, waiting to explode at the opportune moment?

I'd like to believe in acceptance.

I always wonder What makes people walk away from a relationship of years? What is the breaking point?

5 years ago, after a fight with my husband, i'd be angry, frustrated and counting minutes through the night. Planning revenge,plotting strategy to walk out of the house and not return. Now,after a decent fight, i go to bed with the knowledge that this too shall pass, and that we are very normal.

But when i hear about friends and random people breaking up after being together for years,i worry.I could never imagine the generation before us decideing to go their seperate ways citing reasons that our generation does.

" We are not compatible"- after 8 years of marriage , and "She does not understand me" after a decade and two kids sounds very very scary.

Are relationships so fickle now? There are some basic fundamentals that i consider sacrosanct.

>>Infidelity: can be never accepted in a relation.

>>Respect: The spouse could be anyone professionally, but respect for the person is essential.

>>Honesty/ trust: if we are a unit,unless i know what the other parts are capable and are doing, work cannot be in tandem.

Maybe i am just an aberration-but to me, all other aspects can be worked on.

5 years down the line,this ideal may come back to bite me in the butt- they always do. I guess i need to work really hard to ensure that my break point is very very far away.

I do not ever want to be among the scores who say " it's just not working out", all the while cringing for the child who is always the one to lose.