Will you also go away?

Isn't that one of our primal fears?a perennial one too? That someone we love will go away from us? Irrespective of how old we are, that fear exists.

We made a decision this year, to do away with the lady who helped take care of V ,and moved him to daycare. For the last month, my mom stayed with us to settle things and she now, has gone back.

It has been two weeks since she left now, and the first week i had a very very clingy son. One who would not let me step out of his line of vision, wanted me to accompany him everywhere holding hands. While it was very mushy to begin with, it became quite difficult and i figured there is something beyond a regular clinging here. So , a week ago, i decided to straighten things and made him sit down and talk.

I asked him why he was being so clingy, i told him that while it was nice to want me to be around all the time, it is not possible and maybe we should figure out what he should do all by himself. He quietly listened and said, " i am sad because ammamma( my mom) went away".

That moment, it all came together. It was not just ammamma, it was the fear of having people he likes around him and them moving away. First it was valiamma( the lady who took care of him), and now my mom. Then we talked about why mom had to go away etc. and he seemed to understand.

There was still something that bothered me after that conversation. I held him on my lap and asked him " Are you scared that me and papa will go away as well? ". He nodded, like, a huge worry was being addressed.

I hugged him and told him that no matter what happens, we, will never leave him. That our life was with him. Wherever we go, we will take him with us. The relief on his face was immense.

One week now after the conversation, and i have a child who accepts and understands why and how.

All he needed to be told was that " We will be there for you- always".

Incidentally, isn't that what all of us want to be told?

As was once said by Kahlil Gibran ---"And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"

Of living and dying

We have fish at home.

Nothing surprising here, except, this is in a brand new fish tank!!!(Nitya, are you reading this??)

So what do they have in relation to the heading??

They came home 2 weeks ago. After 2 weeks , we were down to 5 fishes from the 12 we started with. So then, logically, one is forced to respond to questions about death. So one explains about growing up and old age and death etc..They make very interesting conversation snippets, trust me.. some of them go like this..

V to my mom: How old are you ammamma?

Mom: 50 ++

V: You and muttassa will die when you are 71.

Mom: What? how do you know?

V: I know *with that all knowing look*

V to me: When i become big and you become small( heh!, we still have not got over this one), i will spank your bum.

Me: Bwahaha, i will not become small again, i will only become bigger( literally!) and older.

V: When you become older, will you die?

Me: Err, umm, yes. Everyone dies after some time.

V: I don't like that. I will be very sad.

...at which stage, we change topics!!

V to me: Amma, when you become 100 years old, will you die?

Me: I really hope so. I don't want to live till 100. That will be really old.

V: Why? Will you be so big you cannot fit inside the house?

Me. No i will be so old, i will not be able to walk or stand. And also, you will be 70 by then, like, XYZ's grandpa?

V: *Thinks very hard* Will i be old like muttassa?

Me: Yes, you will.

V: I don't want to have white hair, he has all white hair. I don't want to be 70.

V: When will i become old?

Me: When you are 70 years..

V: I want to be 36( the father's age)

Me: You have so much to do before that...you will become 15, then 17, then finish school( he does not object to this), then 18 , after which you can drive a car( he does not object to this either), Then go to college,( No objection), then find a job( objects vehemently!!!), find a girlfriend...

V: Stop stop, why do i need a girlfriend?

Me: Like how acha has amma, you also need someone. To love, to stay with, to take care. That is why you need a girlfriend.

V: I do not want a girlfriend* very angry*

Me: then who will you stay with?

V: I will stay with you, i like you a lot.I like your hands, i like your nose, i like you full. I will only stay with you.

At that point people, i melted into a puddle. The rest of the conversation does not matter!

As a bonus, here is the humble fishtank that has triggered such intense discussions in this household...

My reason # 29

Instead of work, timepass and blogging, last weeks have been ...

Hospital, IV injections and boredom..

There, ......now i have a valid reason for disappearing.

But then, next week i should be back, and maybe follow Nitya's footsteps to wordpress. Very tempted.

i guess the weekend will be spent deciding.