just thoughts

--At 9 PM on a winter night, i'd love to sit next to a room heater and sip elachi tea....

instead, i stood under the shower for a full ten minutes and then switched on the fan.

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--Office to train station near home-14 km=19 minutes

Train station to home in auto rickshaw-5km= 58 f*** minutes on a monday evening!!!!!!

I sat and wondered what is still making me stay in this city??, all the while resisting the urge to shoot the next guy who honks , to death.

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--You can't sleep a wink at night when your other half has just managed not to get clobbered by self proclaimed political messiahs.

Politics is now our homegrown terrorism....

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--The other word for people who cannot read or understand instructions are" telecallers".

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-- Everytime i go for a discount sale, all the stuff i want and i like, are never "on sale". Is it just me??
I bought half a fortune worth of books, anyway!

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-- In the age of Ben10 and likes, i still bought books as return gifts for V's birthday. I see myself ending up as the not so popular mom very soon.

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Forgetting comes without trying...the fear lasts

It is almost a week after the carnage in Mumbai and we have moved on..well, almost. We are back at work, at school, and are worried about the cabs going off roads from tomorrow..

But this time, it has not been easy. It IS not easy...the fear, the paranoia has stayed on.

On monday morning, the train was eerily silent. Unknown people did not smile at each other,did not abuse the crowd and it stung.
If the train stopped for more than a minute, worried heads looked out to see why, - has there been another incident?
If a phone was answered with a concerned " what?", everyone perked up to know the rest of conversation...did something happen?
On a regular day in mumbai locals, no one bothered, even if you would have been announcing divorce over the phone!. This time, it is different.

Three days i stayed home, glued to television, starting from 10.00 PM on 26/11.I read and re read the papers, every piece of article written. I wanted to slap mainstream media for their irresponsible coverage. I read my thoughts here, here and here. And several more thought provoking ones like this, this and this.

We were to take V for the Disney Show, and found it difficult to explain why Mickey was not coming to see him. He solved my dilemma, by asking me if it was because of the fire he saw on TV..the fireman was " pouring water- so how will mickey come?". He also added " Mama, don't watch gunfighting and fire today, ok?"
I switched off the TV, went down with him to the park and thanked god for my life.

TB went to work when the rest of the city was scampering back to the safety of their homes. He spent the nights there....and came back to his family three days later.
I think it was right of him to do that...his guests needed the moral support. To trust in this city, in our genuine concern.

I received several messages asking to light candles, to rally and so on. I did light a candle, on 27th night, and prayed that the people still held captive may live to see another dawn.
And no, i did not light any other candle to show my solidatiy for the city, i did not join in any peace march, nothing.

I CARE, as much or maybe more.
But this time, i do not just want to light a candle and show my solidarity. I want to be able to contribute, to help, to be the change i want to see. As a citizen, i do not know what i can do. And that, i think is the biggest failure of our nation.

The biggest let down of all, has been the way the people who are supposedly leading us have acted during this entire episode.
-From our president who thought her presence was not required as the goverment was capable- capable of what????
-Our PM and leader of opposition could not even agree to travelling together!
-The cheif minister, who decided to make this a picnic,
-the home minister whose words of wisdom will not be forgotten too soon,
- a CM elsewhere who fell below his level by retorting at the family of a brave soldier thus. Grief is very personal.
"Mr. CM, grief is very very personal, unless i ask you to share mine, please do not trespass"- will someone please say that to all the polilicians??including this chameleon?

Everyone i know has either a friend, a relative , an acquaintance of someone they know who has been there during the ordeal...we spend the non working hours talking about the various narratives we hear..some real, some untrue, some rumours....

Of course, in another few days, we will forget and get back with bickering on trains. Marine Drive and Gateway will have its nocturnal visitors again...

As i step out to work each day , all i pray for now is to be able to come home in the evening and share the day with my loved ones.That is all i need for now, and ever.

I am a coward

Like zillions of other people in Mumbai, who spent yesterday in the safe confines of their home, instead of doing what they should have been doing- only, i was not at home. I went to work, not because I chose to be brave and defy fear, because I did not know the situation till I got to office. I was in the train, when I started receiving calls from colleagues and family asking if everything was fine. That is when I knew what to expect for the day, and panic set in. Walked out of the train to a station teeming with cops and called myself lucky to get a cab.

At 11.00 AM, we had three men walk into our office, asking us to leave and down the shutters for the day (modern building that we are, we do not even have a roll down shutter!). We spent the remainder of the day in an office, with doors and windows shut from outside, lights dimmed out and the TV on, watching mayhem break around the city.
All of us made numerous calls to family and loved ones, checking they were safe, and planning our strategy to get back home. We saw cabs being stoned at , auto’s being stopped and vandalized and miscreants ruling the road. At two thirty PM, when the road outside was safer to travel, we left office, and reached home- all the while feeling- like an absolute coward.

What should I be doing? Take this fear lying down? This is the second time this year that Mumbai shut down due to fear…and frankly, if it repeats – I might just do the same thing again------------ Be meek, scared, avoid confrontation, run away from the truth and act like it is none of my problem till I am directly affected by it, even when rage boils inside.

This entire series of events over the last few months have eroded my faith and affection for Mumbai as the cosmopolitan city it was. The public have been made into puppets…it’s a game out there, and I do not know who is right or wrong, who I should support, or better still, Who will support public in times of need?. Public here does not refer to marathi’s or bihari’s or UP’ites, or bengali’s . It is just ALL OF US. The entire bunch of people who call Mumbai their home.

Who says it is the prerogative of a native community to exercise control over the local geography? If so, we should have not even welcomed modernization, leave alone globalization. For the last 50 odd years, we have accepted people of all geographies, caste, creed and community across cities in the country. Where did this “love for my state” arise from? Does that mean the rest of the cities in the country follow suit?
So we will have Delhi/ Bangalore/ Chennai/ Kolkata/ Hyderabad / Pune revolting against non locals working there? Insane! Should we also have the Non local business houses / institutions shut shop and move to their home states?? Now that would be a pretty picture!

We are going back to pre independence era. If anyone ever wants to take over our country, now is the right time.Come on all of you-we are too busy fighting with each other to even take notice.

I have ranted, vented out my feelings here and am running away from the problems with my tail tucked under, as cowardly as ever. I am one of those faceless mumbaikars who are angry , but too scared to stand up for what is right. I hate myself for that!

Shaken up..totally!

Its been a crazy week!Remember me " shaking up myself" post earlier? Things really shook up after that.
Work became madness when the client, who we were to revert in another two weeks wanted to see the work next week. And next week, we are off for our global meet, which is being done by the India team( your's truly included!) at Goa. GOA!!! Never been there before. Looking forward to it.
Anyways, so that was one, and then all the Ganesha Mandal's in Mumbai decided they cannot stick to prescribed dates of immersion and invaded the streets like mad. I am partially deaf now thanks to the blaring music from the processions and the crackers on the road.
Have been reaching home at 9 pm for the last three days( later actually...nine just sounds a more decent time. Some stage in life TB's relatives are bound to read this and faint. So just keeping it mild).
Activities for these days included one missed birthday made up by going to the kids house and wishing him at 10 PM(Note to self- always have extra presents and wrapping paper at hand. Not all parents plan well to invite well in advance), early morning "pookkalam" for the last three days( including running around to buy flowers in different colours, from different places)... i am drained!!
And its not over yet!I have some work over the weekend for the global meet. And some planning and packing for the trip.
I badly need that Goa holiday. Maybe i could slink away and actually make use of the holiday, sleep on the beaches of goa. Ooops! Organizers of the meet don't get such priviledges, do they?They are supposed to work their a** off and make sure others have fun. wth!.
Guess i'll have to be happy with the weekend( or whatever will be left of it!)

PS: Did i forget to mention that we have postponed the 17 course " Onam Sadya" to sunday? Thats it!If there are no more posts on this blog, just be assured i died of sheer exhaustion over the weekend!

Mumbai

There are lot of things about Mumbai that amaze me...everyone has their own reasons to like this city...here are some of mine. And i will not add the regular stuff that everyone likes.

This is strictly in random order..................

1. I love the small patches of land between the railway tracks and the road that are effectively used rotationally for seasonal crops( there were greens in summer and right now, there are ladies fingers and brinjals). Of course i get these digusting looks and comments when i mention this. But hey! show me another place in the country which has so innovatively used space to make a living? The thought counts!

2. The pani puri's are out of the world( no offence to puchki's ..i love them too)

3. There is always a shop that sells what you need( and enough kind hearted souls to tell to how to reach the shop)

4.There is always some eatery open at midnight, unlike a lot of other cities i have lived in.And you get to eat any cuisine you like..its all here.

5. Sea is just a drive away( i think this must be among the top three) .

6. It has the most ecclectic mix of people you will ever find, rubbing shoulders with each other during peak hours in the same train...never in other city.

7. We spent the first few days( 30 days to be precise) of living together after marriage in this city.

And many more that in can' think of right now. There are of course 100's of reasons what i don't like about the city..but right now i am in this " i love mumbai" frame of mind. So we shall keep the bad stuff for another day.

Rains are here...

And we have rains in mumbai...earlier than predicted and bringing with it the gross misery of a city that is always underprepared for any amount of rains. I returned home last evening after a brief 30 min showers on the first day of monsoon and saw kids playing in waist high dirty water on the main road!!! and panicking drivers manoeuvering to avoid both kids and water.

I love rains!!back home our village is a picture of serenity after rains. Gleaming , freshly washed asphalt,the bushes and trees looking green and clean, and the occassional cicada and hoardes of frogs croaking from their hidden dens. Wonder what they do during summer?
Anyway..back to rains.. monsoon has this uncanny knack of pouring exactly when you are out on the road...on the way to school...during the lunch break and invariably, ten minutes before the school bell rings....
By the time we reach the last leg of out travel and walk home from the bus stop, it usually becomes a drizzle. I do not remember ever having opened an umbrella during a drizzle, esp when returning....there will be puddles to jump on...and clean the sandak slippers. We would stand under the bigger trees and wait for the wind to shake off the drops from the leaves.
On holidays we would pester amma for bhajji while watching the rain lashing outside and wash down the various fried vegetables with steaming chai. How i miss those days...

Of course i bought myself a new umbrella and a bright raincoat for V and mentally prepared for the rains. I even took V out for the first shower of monsoon...he inaugurated his raincoat and i did my umbrella...and we just stood savouring the rain.
Somehow the rains here seem to be a different animal altogether! I can't seem to associate all those pictures i portrayed earlier with rains here..I am worried about traffic snarls, trains getting delayed, about flooding on the roads, contigency plans ( TB thinks i am going paranoid- i tend to
agree most of the times). And what i saw yesterday seems to fit into my worries perfectly well.

At office we are back to spending the first twenty minutes dicussing travails of travelling in monsoon and sharing our daring experiences of just trying to get home....

Despite all this..i love rains and hope that someday i will live in a place that lets me savour rains as they are.