Scene & Heard

I am opening the kitchen cupboard to take out some stuff for making dinner. Then...

V: " What you taking?"
Me-* without looking at him, answers* : "I am taking XYZ"

V: "Why you no ask before opening cupboard, i have told you no opening"
Me-*acts along*: " Okie , can i please open the cupboard and take xyz?"

V- * standing arms folded* : "No, that is not for mama"
Me : " Please?"

V- * finger pointed* " Just one, no more , okay?"
Me: " Okie Sir, anything else?"

V: " And close the door after you take it"
Me * hitting self with closest available object*


TB is switching channels and settles on an action movie...

TB* Increases volume by two points*
V: " Why is this so loud, reduce the volume, i can't hear anything"
TB* Glares at me*
Me* Conveniently looks away*

At dinnertime- me coaxing valiamma to have dinner and go to sleep, she insisting she does not want dinner tonight...

Me: " No, you can't sleep without eating anything, you'll get acidity in the morning"
V* chips in helpfully*: "Valiamma, eat your dinner, how will you grow otherwise??. How will you become big like papa and go to office, how will you grow muscles like popeye?. Come ,eat fast"
Valiamma* ROFL*

Me cooking...

V* walks into kitchen, stands and looks at my antics*
Me* With great elan , removes the roti from the griddle and puts it on direct flame for it to puff up*

V*Visibly upset*: " The roti is crying , waaahhh waaahhh"
Me: "Why Kanna?"

V: " You are burning it no?, that's why"* walks off*
Me* flabbergasted*

V refusing to eat breakfast in the morning and wailing....

Me: " You have exactly five mins to eat and get ready,stop crying NOW"
V:* Another wail and fresh batch of tears*

Me* exasperated*: " Is there a reason you are crying now??"
V* shakes head to say NO, then shakes head vigorously to say YES*

Me* Feeling gulity for being a non empathizing mother- in my most endearing voice*: " What is it kanna? Why are you crying?
V:"The fan is slow"

Me: WTF!