Forgetting comes without trying...the fear lasts

It is almost a week after the carnage in Mumbai and we have moved on..well, almost. We are back at work, at school, and are worried about the cabs going off roads from tomorrow..

But this time, it has not been easy. It IS not easy...the fear, the paranoia has stayed on.

On monday morning, the train was eerily silent. Unknown people did not smile at each other,did not abuse the crowd and it stung.
If the train stopped for more than a minute, worried heads looked out to see why, - has there been another incident?
If a phone was answered with a concerned " what?", everyone perked up to know the rest of conversation...did something happen?
On a regular day in mumbai locals, no one bothered, even if you would have been announcing divorce over the phone!. This time, it is different.

Three days i stayed home, glued to television, starting from 10.00 PM on 26/11.I read and re read the papers, every piece of article written. I wanted to slap mainstream media for their irresponsible coverage. I read my thoughts here, here and here. And several more thought provoking ones like this, this and this.

We were to take V for the Disney Show, and found it difficult to explain why Mickey was not coming to see him. He solved my dilemma, by asking me if it was because of the fire he saw on TV..the fireman was " pouring water- so how will mickey come?". He also added " Mama, don't watch gunfighting and fire today, ok?"
I switched off the TV, went down with him to the park and thanked god for my life.

TB went to work when the rest of the city was scampering back to the safety of their homes. He spent the nights there....and came back to his family three days later.
I think it was right of him to do that...his guests needed the moral support. To trust in this city, in our genuine concern.

I received several messages asking to light candles, to rally and so on. I did light a candle, on 27th night, and prayed that the people still held captive may live to see another dawn.
And no, i did not light any other candle to show my solidatiy for the city, i did not join in any peace march, nothing.

I CARE, as much or maybe more.
But this time, i do not just want to light a candle and show my solidarity. I want to be able to contribute, to help, to be the change i want to see. As a citizen, i do not know what i can do. And that, i think is the biggest failure of our nation.

The biggest let down of all, has been the way the people who are supposedly leading us have acted during this entire episode.
-From our president who thought her presence was not required as the goverment was capable- capable of what????
-Our PM and leader of opposition could not even agree to travelling together!
-The cheif minister, who decided to make this a picnic,
-the home minister whose words of wisdom will not be forgotten too soon,
- a CM elsewhere who fell below his level by retorting at the family of a brave soldier thus. Grief is very personal.
"Mr. CM, grief is very very personal, unless i ask you to share mine, please do not trespass"- will someone please say that to all the polilicians??including this chameleon?

Everyone i know has either a friend, a relative , an acquaintance of someone they know who has been there during the ordeal...we spend the non working hours talking about the various narratives we hear..some real, some untrue, some rumours....

Of course, in another few days, we will forget and get back with bickering on trains. Marine Drive and Gateway will have its nocturnal visitors again...

As i step out to work each day , all i pray for now is to be able to come home in the evening and share the day with my loved ones.That is all i need for now, and ever.