The top 5

This one is for MinM. I already gave you my excuses for being so late.
And for VJ, who double tagged me, so i have no excuse left.

So here are 5 great things TB has done for me, in no order.

Bestest Friend
The one who lent me a shoulder when i was heartbroken, one who chaperoned me to dates in college, the one who taught me how to ride an enfield bullet, and always finished half of whatever i ordered at the local tea shop. The one person who knows absolutely everything about my life. My bestest friend for the last 14 years.

The know-how man
I am the practical one around here. But he is the logic man. I can tell you what needs to be done. But he will know how exactly to do it. Without him, my practical suggestions do not find ground.

The one who came back, again and again
When we started working and had to part ways after college, i told him that the next three years were our test. Anything could happen- we were human. That there would be no bad blood if we find someone else.
But he came back, every meagre holiday he had, he made time to come to my workplace, hundreds of kms away and then went to meet his family. He made sure i was left with no time and inclination to think of anyone else.

Never son- in -law
He has never been a son-in- law to my parents or family. He has been the son they never had, elder brother to my cousins and the nephew my aunts and uncles adore.
From my mom, who spent months pondering what was the correct approach for a 'jamai', and who now shares a glass of wine with him.
To the uncle who refused to identify anyone else except him in late stages of dementia. He is truly the son they always wanted.

The awesomest in laws.Period!
In one word, his family is what you call" bindaas" in hindi.
I could not have asked for a better family to be a part of . I have him to thank for giving me them.

Tring tring...

I have not died and gone to heaven.
There are other reasons i can attribute to my dissappearing act. ....Like work, sick child, work, sick spouse, work, general grubbiness etc.
Will be back on track soon, reading all of you, and hopefully writing more.

To be 17

It is 8.30 AM on a monday morning.

She is wearing a snug fit jeans and black and white tee. a few strands pulled back by a clip and held in place. She loooks pretty, very pretty, like any 17 year old should look like.

Her regular bus is late, and she is worried...can't be late to class on a monday.
Her eyes are looking beyond the curve, waiting for that red bus to show up,while she mentally assesses herself -" Do i look pretty enough?"

Just ahead , she sees the bike on the road. winding its way through the traffic. Smartly dressed guy on the bike. But ah! helmet. Will he look at her? She shifts a little, facing the road. The traffic slows down, so does he. She looks farther, pretending not to see him slow down. Traffic moves, he moves, not before looking at her. She glances backwards at the last moment and catches him look at her.

She smiled a knowing, playful smile of the one who knows she is being admired.

Neither of them saw the woman sitting in an auto and watching this little act unfold.
In that moment, she made me want to be 17 again.

One step closer

One of my constant fights is with myself. I am permanently living with the feeling that i haven't done enough with my time.

That i have not done enough work to earn my bread , when i leave work..
That i haven't finished as much i could have ..when i am waiting for sleep
I haven't done this / done that with him, when ever i have a weekend with V
I haven't done enough for my parents, for my in laws..

It does not matter that i might have done what is humanly possible and what needs to be done has been..There is still a sense of " I could have done more".

I have been a " self pusher" all through life...maybe largely due to the reason that i grew up in a large joint family where there was no 'me' time. Or 'we' time, with my parents. One learns that to want something is to earn it. There is no other way. Throughout my growing years and into marriage, it worked beautifully...i wanted something, worked for it. I did something, i put my heart into it- unrelentingly.

Somewhere in the last few years, i started stopping to wonder if i was enjoying this.The thrill of achivement, the sense of well done deed- what was it worth? I wasn't enjoying the journey because i was too focussed on getting it right.

It has been a constant effort, to convince myself that i do not need to be perfect to enjoy this journey, or more importantly, neither do the people and my surroundings need to be perfect. I am still accepting that cushion covers strewn over the sofa, or a biscuit packet open on the floor is perfectly reasonable. That a picture perfect house does not signify a perfect life...

--That not being able spend every waking hour with my son does not make me any less of a mother, that not being perfect in every work does not make me any less of an asset to the organization.

It is a constant fight, but i go on.

On days when i spend two hours making paper boats and another hour splashing in the puddle-with not a though about dinner plans,
On days when i settle for night and cannot think of any one task i completed- but feel comfortably warm and happy with my family around me,
On mondays when i do not wake up with an excel sheel opening up in my head....

..... My heart warms to know i have started enjoying the journey.

Reporting live

Current situation at home...

KID
Completely screwed up sleep schedule in view of new school timings.
Onslaught of temper tantrums and defiance at age 4.5 .
Demands to be put back in playschool.
Fight for dominance of TV remote.
Vocabulary consists of one word ---"NO"

MOTHER
Half snot clogged, half fried brain.
Heavily resisting the urge to smack above kids bottom.
Is having nightmares about next days lunchbox menu.

FATHER
Missing in action most of the time.
Fight for dominance of TV remote(when awake at home- for exactly 120 minutes).
Is ready to murder some people at work.