Working Mom

Today V woke up while i was sneaking him a goodbye kiss before rushing off....since we have got back from the holiday, he sleeps till he pleases....I promptly pulled the covers around him and told him to go back to sleep. But no!today he decides we has to wake up and mama should hold him.

There i was ..torn between holding him for a while and missing the 9.00 AM local. It is at moments like this that i am forced to re examine my decision to be a working mom...which i did on the way to station.

Well..i did hold him for a while and told him that he can have me all to himself for the next two days and make plans for what we could do....finally he decided i better get going and said.."mama bye, go to office",so i ran.



Below is the transcript of the conversations between my ego and alter ego on the way to the station....

E: Maybe i should resign and stay at home like most of my friends now....

E: It would be wonderful to be at home and spend quality time with V. i can actually get down to doing some real cooking and make what TB and V likes.

E: I could start doing that embroidering lessons that i have always wanted to do...find a music teacher for V , take him swimming, and maybe actually start exercising ( highly required).

E: I will not even need a full time maid!I can maybe redo the house, and turn it around to those near perfect houses in magazines...

AE: Well, what happens to the finances???

E: Hmmm...maybe i can start consulting form home..Once we are more stable..then maybe i could quit.

E: Maybe i could do this when we plan our next kid( five year plan as of now). That sounds good...i have never been much of a career woman anyway. Happy with what is there right now..never imagined myself in the corridors of power, in any organization.

AE: Are you ready to give up your friends, colleagues, your clients..bosses..the pleasure of accomplishing a task and be appreciated for that??

AE: Think of the recognition that your work brings you....are you ready to give up that identity and be happy as a homemaker and a mom?

E: Not sure!

AE: What happens when V grows up? has friends of his own and does not need you around all the time? Will you still feel the same way or want to get back to working?

E: Maybe i will want to..and i would not know where to look at.

AE: So you still want to quit?

E:I can see the glee on V's face when i tell him i do not have office today..i could quit for just once of those smiles...

AE: Is this about quitting or is this guilt for not being able to spend time with V?

E: I guess it is guilt.

AE: Plan your day better...make time for him. It is more about what you do when you are with him rather that how long you are with him.Right now, it could be better.

E: Yeah...maybe your'e right...



Station arrives, and lo behold! the 9.00 AM local is just lugging in...The debate is over for now, and i am still a guilt ridden , very independent, working mom again. Love you V!!

Today's news

As is with everyday..i got about 2 minutes in the morning to glance through the news paper before it was confiscated by TB to be read in the loo( what is with men and reading in the loo??)
I am right now trying to find out what happened in the world while i was snoring away( i do snore...but no competition to TB).
There is nothing of interest to me , except for the petrol price hike. I scan all the pages, reading about the starlets zips being zapped, about sanjay dutts tax stories, his marriage..and did not find one word of what i wanted to see.
Today is the day Mt Everest was conquered for the very first time, in 1953. And there is no mention of this anywhere.
Reading " THE HINDU" when in school was a very educational activity. I can still picture my dad reading the paper , down to the last classified. He used to show us the bold letters and small words initiating us( Us as in me and my sis) into learning English. We were told to read the editorial if we wanted to improve our vocabulary( never did that...Englist still in pits). I cannot imagine sitting with V and telling him the same thing...all he will be reading is crap! While dad used to spell out words like "nation", "science", "history" and so on to us from the papers..i will end up reading " murder", "cops", " cheated" etc. Not sure if i want to do that...I have a colleague to brings the paper to office , as she does not want her teenaged daughter to be distressed anymore by the sensational murders that have been grabbing headlines.
Maybe i am incapable of handling reality as it is..maybe V will grow up to be capable of handling them. For now i am contended reading out to him from " Billy and Betty Bear series".

PS: I have this habit of connecting from one topic to another and moving on, without even realizing it...by the time i finish, it will have no relation to what i had originally started:-). So, keep reading, be entertained.

What if i was in Aarushi's mom's place??I may not have lived to write this!
Losing a kid is maybe the worst things that can happen to anyone...adding to that is the accusation of father being the murderer(??)....What is being written about her and commented by police is pure slander!She is a 14 year old girl...at that age, you have crushes, you do not have affairs!! . How can they go about making statements that the girl was characterless?
Aarushi...rest in peace. Whoever did this to you will not go unpunished in life..for know we do not know who that is.
Right now...there are so many angles to the probe , accusations flying all over, so many loopholes in the story...i stopped reading about the murder as on today. I hope someday this gets solved..and does not end up like the Rizwanur Rehman case.

TB and i are in a juncture where we have mentally prepared to take a step we have eluded for quite some years.....buying a flat. It never looked possible before, not till we went for the house warming and liked that flat in the same apartment. Once we wanted to go ahead and buy it..all the (imaginary) problems that i had envisioned over time just seems non existent.
Now i am wondering why did we not do this before.
This is the second time in life that this thought has occured to me...the first was when we decided to start a family....i used to be scared of the idea of having a baby.....i was not sure if we would be good parents..if we will have enough finances...if everything will go well. It was always the "if".
Once the baby bug bit us( guess we got tired of working and watching TV and eating late dinners)....the "if's " magically dissappeared. Having a baby was the perfect thing to do. Then the anxiousness sets in...
It is always that way..it takes years to make up our mind to do something. Once we do make up our minds, it feels impossible to even wait days for it to happen.
Right now i am in that phase.....having waited all these years to make that decision, these few days while the bank decides whether we are creditworthy to be given a loan, seems like forever.
I am anxious.....as hell!

Stray Grey Matter

I have read several times over that we utilize a miniscule part of the grey matter we have all through our lives. What a waste!!There is quite a possibility that my thoughts right now are coming out from some gray matter that is never been utilized before...quite stray thoughts= stray grey matter. Get it?

In the beginning..there was light

And in that flash of light, i decide to take a plunge into the world of blogging. It will be a huge lie if i say it was a split second inspiration...
I talk to myself a lot( yes...in my mind)...about stuff...about the rising inflation, the half withered tree near the road,about what the autowallah will be thinking when the signal turns red when we reach..and so on and so forth.

Having grown too lazy to pick up a pen and write these down, i turn to blogging. Well....the last three days have been spent debating what i should put down? All my thoughts? Only the politically correct one's?Conscious verdict says that "all"..maybe i will think before i blog, unlike when i talk...and stay clear of controversies.