Stray Grey matter

I am not sure if i am frustrated, anxious on plainright depressed. Our loan is not approved yet and there seems to be no indication of why and when this will actually get done.
Right now, i am feeling that same numbness that sets in when everything seems to go against us..over and again.
Everytime i have wished for something with all my heart, it has not happened. I learned to not to expect anything out of my wishes. If they happen, wonderful. It they do not , they were never meant to be.
I do not want to think that way now...i want this to happen. I loved that line from OSO.."kehte hain ki agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho to saari kaynaat tumhe usse milane ke liye lag jaati hai"..i love that house..and i want it!