Sleepy ..and croaking!

We have caught the virus...V and myself. I am quite convinced that this one came in from V's school and firmly planted itself in his nose and throat.

In between the numerous slurpy kisses and half chewed stuff he lovingly offers me everyday, some of the virus found way into my throat too( if this description sounds too yucky! to you, run far away from this blog).

So now i am croaking, and dreading the thought of eating. My tonsils are giving food a hard time to go by and testing my endurance levels.

V is in the next stages... he has coughing fits and it scares the hell out of me. And they always, note always, start after you have finally put him to sleep and have just crashed. So last night, i was up at 1.26 AM, trying to figure out what to do to stop his cough( i couldn't even stand straight, forget thinking straight). So i gave him warm water and cough syrup, no luck!

If you have parents like mine, they will tell you little gems of information like "the best way to cure a dry cough is dry heat"- Which means heat pads on the chest. For the lesser souls like us, ironed towels on the chest. That is precisely what i was doing up at 1.26 AM. Ironing towels( trying not to iron my fingers in the process) and applying them to V's chest. This went on till about 2.18 AM, when V decided to call in a night( day?) and fall asleep. So did his mom, who still had to unplug the iron and put it back before crashing. And then struggle to get back to proper sleep.
So here i am today, sleepy, groggy( after 6 lozenges!), croaky( despite the lozenges) and quite ill tempered.
For those who are curious to know where the other parent was , all through this???.....He was RIGHT THERE!!!. On his side of the bed, which is about 10 inches away from all this action. He woke up to find out what the commotion was all about, appreciated my efforts on childcare with a 'huh?' and promptly went back to snoring. I am now wondering what made me keep quite?I am pretty sure i wasn't capable of thinking.

Next time, he gets to iron. He irons his shirts better than i do...guess it is only natural that he gets to do what he is better at. Even if it is at 1.26 AM.

Still getting over Goa!

The congratulations on a well managed and wonderfully planned and executed conference are still pouring in. The entire office is thrilled and still trying to get over it.
Meanwhile,some more of the fabulous pictures from there....I am definitely going back to Goa..with TB and V of course, hopefully soon.

Today is.....

International Girl Child Day, not another of those innumerous days invented and promoted by greeting card companies. A day to promote very special cause.

I would like to believe that we do not need a day to promote a cause like this, but I am wrong , I know it. In a country where you can still read posters that go” Spend Rs. 600 now and save Rs. 50000 later”- referring to foetal sex determination test and avoidance of dowry in case of a girl child, I call myself fortunate.

Have I been a victim of gender discrimination? I have, though not a deliberate and forced one, it still did exist. My mother is the only girl in a brood of 5 that my grand mom had. When all her grandchildren turned out to be girls, she rooted for the grandson who was born the youngest. And in the process, she made us realize that gender discrimination was a reality in our lives. It would not have made a difference if he was treated especially because he was the youngest; it was always because he was a “boy”.
I still hold the discrimination against her. I guess that my strong feeling for being treated as a ‘girl’ had a lot to do with changing a slightly bewildered 12 year old to someone who stood up for my mother against the elders in out family. I was not a rebel; i was just asserting my identity. And till date, I know I was right in doing that. Mom does too.

I grew up in a generation of girls. 7 on my mother’s side and 8 on my father’s side. Each one of them completely different, capable, independent, successful, and over everything, special in their own way. Between all of us, we have a chemist/ a researcher, two bankers/ two engineers/ one consultant/ an entrepreneur/ a teacher/ and two wonderful women to prioritize family ahead of profession. I am proud, to say the least. Each of them have gone through their share of darkness in life and come out fighting,

Here are the women in my life I adore, love and cherish…

My mother is one of the most resilient women I have ever come across in my life. She was brilliant at maths, and regretted all her life for not having completed her education , and not being able to work. Life happened to her too fast. I was born when she was 21. She reminded me at every opportunity in life that I need to be independent, that I need to stand on my feet before anything else in life. I thrived on that. It was my single motivation at times. Who I am today, is because of her.

My sister is completely different from me, but is regarded by her family and friends as the one they can fall back on, anytime in life. She is gentle, compassionate, and very, very loving. And very good at what she does. She is just not as vocal. She approaches everything in life with meticulous planning. Having her in my life taught me to share, love , be compassionate, and above all, gave me a best friend for life.

TB’s mom and her sisters. They are most strong willed people I have met in my life. The four sisters are fighters, In true sense. They fought against life and each of them today, are retired professionals who came up from the most difficult circumstances in life. Their dad died a very proud man, that much I know. He could not have asked for better children. And I could not thank them enough for TB.

It would be unfair to stop this post if I do not talk about…..

My father, who stood up for me when I needed most- when the family wanted me to be married at 18, he chose to let me go away and study what I wanted to. We always had arguments when I was younger, I now realize (which my mom said long ago!) that it was because I was like him, in all senses. Where I am today in life, is because of him.

TB, the one person who gave me complete freedom in life to be myself, chose what I want to do, and never asked me why? Even when things went horribly wrong. He just stands by and tells me to get up and start again. He did not have an ego problem having a wife who was earning more than him at some point in life. Who has never imposed on me any of his personal interests. Growing up in a joint family with his mom and sisters is a lot of influence on a boy’s life. He respects women in a way that that is very rare.And loves me for the person I am, appearances never mattered to him.
My persona, my strength and individuality today, is because of him.

I know I have drifted considerably from where I started, but….It just seemed the day I needed to thank everyone for making my life so wonderful. I can’t help but feel as a fortunate girl child. There needs to be more of us. And none of those posters.

V is moving out..

He has a new cot and is moving out to his room this week. The cot has arrived, the made to order bed is not here yet. And we still have to get him spiderman coordinated sheet and pillow covers.

And i am not so sure if i should be feeling happy or sad. It feels like he is moving out of the house. Right now he starts every night by pushing us( kicking us to be exact) out of the sofa and plonking himself there while we catch up on some TV viewing. Then we move onto the bedroom where he brings along his pillow, reading book, a towel to hold on while he sleeps and insists that we read him the book and then, he reads it to us! That is when he is at his talkative best, and that is the only time he prefers to talk about school.
We talk in the darkness and there is something very magical about that last bit of the day before falling asleep. Both V and me take a while to settle down and giggle and laugh, making TB wake up and wonder how on earth he is supposed to live with two slightly mad people at home. This is my life, and i love it

How will i go to sleep without having V snuggle up? Both TB and me ask him whose side does he want to sleep today. V is very gracious, he takes turns, i know he secretly prefers to sleep closer to TB( so do i!). I can't get over the fact that next week on,he's going to sleep on his own.

The whole thought process behind getting him a cot was to make him sleep earlier, initiate him into schooling hours. Right now, the idea is not looking very appealing to me.
Maybe i will still let him sleep with us and carry him onto his bed later, like we do now. My baby is growing up, and i am feeling a little deprived.

Is this normal? or is my paranoia setting in?

Back from Goa

The hardest part of having a weekend all by oneself is the fact that you end up feeling guilty leaving your loved one's behind. Does that thought occur only to me, or...
Anyway..i am getting over it. Trip by trip. Over the last few trips, my level of guilt has been diminishing, so much that i actually enjoyed this one. And missed the calls from loved ones(Aaarghhh..lets leave out the not so nice feeling).
Goa was fun!!!there is no other word . It was a great experience to meet like minded( read- mad, completely bonkers) people from other side of the globe. Even better when they turn out as crazy as the team you work with. Total fun!.So much that the lady from press , who was covering the event, left saying she felt deprived not being a part of out team.
The theme night i was organizing went off well, we were truly demented grown up kids and exhibited all possible levels of kiddie behavior.It was hilarious.
I am relieved, and quite thrilled with the way things went.
I also found time for some spectacular sunsets on the beach, margharitas, a bit of old goa, port wine and bebinca and made loads of friends. Loved it!!

And here are some of the sights that i loved.

5.30AM moonset at the beach

Loved this bridge

Sunset at the beach

Swaying palms, gentle breeze, perfect vacation( but no loved one's nearby)

Basilica of Bom Jesus

When i travel....i just about drive everyone mad.

I survived the weekend, it was not as bad as i thought it would be. At least am alive to blog about it! Looking forward to Goa now.

Not looking forward to leave V and TB and go off for 4 days. Will miss them terribly when i am trying to have fun.

Also the fact that i have to plan and do a zillion things including V's clothes to wear for the next three days to school, plan the menu and discuss it with valiamma till she tells me to shut up, pre cook some stuff for the family and stuff them in the fridge, tell valiamma again, and again, to sort clothes by colour before she decides to wash them, tell TB to set the washing mode before he leaves, tell valiamma and V " never to open the door if you don't know who is calling" till they fall over and pretend deaf, remind them make sure the house phone is charged , so i can reach them, and to top it all, call six hours from Goa to make sure they are fine and have put the right seasoning in the right curry as per the day's menu.

Last time around when i travelled , valiamma finally told me to stop calling and get on with life! TB told me i am paranoid( just to put things in perspective, these were overseas calls- the pocket is still burning!). So this trip, i shall try and be reasonable and not call every six hours to check what i have already told them just about hundred times- i will T.R.Y

Oh , did i also mention i have told TB to be home early on these days? - reminded him just about every day for the last three weeks. There is a reason he's not run away? I'm just wondering! Has to be love!

My pookkalams

Some pictures of my floral creations..

This is the pookkalam i made on Onam today.

Please note the very demure and coy looking son sitting next to it. I am not so sure what to make out of that expression. I am definitely not liking the 'demure and coy' look.


C'mon buddy, snap out!



This is what i made last year. It lasted exactly 3/4 th of the day till the housekeeper decided to clean it up thinking it was some kids prank.

The subsequent tongue lashing and neck wringing is still very clear in his mind. This year, he's not even stepping on this side of the floor, leave alone clean it. He better not. I am very stuck up about grudges. I take them very personally. Especially when it comes to pookkalams.


Happy Onam!!!!Just ignore me and my grudges.

Shaken up..totally!

Its been a crazy week!Remember me " shaking up myself" post earlier? Things really shook up after that.
Work became madness when the client, who we were to revert in another two weeks wanted to see the work next week. And next week, we are off for our global meet, which is being done by the India team( your's truly included!) at Goa. GOA!!! Never been there before. Looking forward to it.
Anyways, so that was one, and then all the Ganesha Mandal's in Mumbai decided they cannot stick to prescribed dates of immersion and invaded the streets like mad. I am partially deaf now thanks to the blaring music from the processions and the crackers on the road.
Have been reaching home at 9 pm for the last three days( later actually...nine just sounds a more decent time. Some stage in life TB's relatives are bound to read this and faint. So just keeping it mild).
Activities for these days included one missed birthday made up by going to the kids house and wishing him at 10 PM(Note to self- always have extra presents and wrapping paper at hand. Not all parents plan well to invite well in advance), early morning "pookkalam" for the last three days( including running around to buy flowers in different colours, from different places)... i am drained!!
And its not over yet!I have some work over the weekend for the global meet. And some planning and packing for the trip.
I badly need that Goa holiday. Maybe i could slink away and actually make use of the holiday, sleep on the beaches of goa. Ooops! Organizers of the meet don't get such priviledges, do they?They are supposed to work their a** off and make sure others have fun. wth!.
Guess i'll have to be happy with the weekend( or whatever will be left of it!)

PS: Did i forget to mention that we have postponed the 17 course " Onam Sadya" to sunday? Thats it!If there are no more posts on this blog, just be assured i died of sheer exhaustion over the weekend!

Just need that push!

What does one do when he/ she knows what their weakness is? What does one do when you know your weakness is taking over your life.

In my case, nothing. I just sit and wait, and regret. And this has been going on for as long as i remember. And my sin- COMPLACENCY!!!

Dictionary defines complacency as " a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc. ".The only difference is that i am fully aware of the consequences and potential dangers. I just don't feel like reacting.

Over the years , i have realized something, i work best under pressure. Gimme loads of work and no time and i end up completing them, feeling a great sense of satisfaction . It is madness while it lasts, but the results are always worth it. I have moved from a role that thrust me into madness very often to a role that is quite laid back about a year ago.
I seem to be unable to get used to having ample time in hand...i just slip into complacency. I have work to do....deadlines to meet, targets to be met. But there is just so much time, it always gets put away. It's getting out of hand, i know it! Just need a jolt to shake me up.

Maybe i should go back to practising meditation again( that stuff i regularly did till about 8 years ago). The worst part is when this complacent phase is over and i realize how much i could have done in this time! It is times like this that i hate my guts....Its about time i saved myself some misery and rebound.

Starting NOW!!!

Too Lazy..

My trademark laziness is taking over the world, my world. No post for 5 days! I will get over this very soon and start writing again.

For now, i am numbed my laziness. And very warmly cocooned by it to even think of stepping out. Till then...

Moments

There are some moments that stay in my memory, forever. And most of these are not significant milestones of life. These are just moments, very random, and with no particular reason, and no particular association to any event.
Last evening we took V out for some rides and his favourite KFC( pronounced kay ep zee). We stopped by to draw some cash and TB took V along to the ATM. I sat inside the car and watched them walk in the drizzle and in that one moment, felf my life was perfect, with these two men in my life, i did not need anything more.
Am i just being overtly emotional here? i do not know...all i know is that this moment, like many others, will stay with me forever. And will keep coming back...