1st February, 2005

7.00 AM
Why do i always wake up on time, when i have nothing much to do but sleep in? Makes for a good case study?

8.30 AM
Adai and Coconut chutney should be higher up on the food pedestral. Especially when it is lovingly made by amma and served directly onto the plate. Damn tummy does not allow more than two at a time.

I am so having a second helping in another two hours.

10.30 AM
Second day of holidays and i am slightly bored?have i turned into a workaholic. I picked up all the old magazines and clean up the living room, like always.

11. 00 AM
Missing my mom! for the first time in maybe 12 years?, i call her up to say i miss her and want to see her.

They were to come down on my star birthday 4 days later anyway...Mom was very apologetic saying they cannot come earlier. Should not have called her,. now she is going to feel bad the whole day. Stupid me!

11.30 AM
" Avial arrives"

11.45 AM
Go to kitchen and get a plate with adai and avial, for the second round.Finish , dump plate in sink and plan to settle down.

12.00 PM
Mom is off to take a bath. Youngest aunt comes over to give me company and watch over while she is off.

12.05 PM
Get up to take a magazine , see a small puddle forming on the floor....oh god, incontinence? at this age. Too embarassing, call out to aunt!

Puddle becomes a gush, and it is water, or something like that..it does not stop. Don't know what to do...

Aunt knocks on bathroom door, mom comes out, i go in and wait for this thing to stop. It does not...mom panicks, calls elder aunt. She comes over.

Gush becomes trickle, i can now walk...aunt says lets go to the doctor now, but i want to change, i will not go to doctor in this dress. My room is upstairs..younger aunt comes along to help.

12.20 PM
Come down to find amma and valiamma all ready to leave. Amma is calling achan who has just left to buy something. his phone is ringing, he does not pick up. I tell amma " He has not atken the phone, it is ringing inside his cupboard"

Amma and valiamma, step out to get a taxi, achan walks in. They kill him with their looks. He quietly takes car key and they get me in the car.

12.35 PM
Walk into hospital where i was to meet the doctor on 5th. The doctor is on leave today, go to the labour room, they tell us.

12.40 PM
Walk into the labour room, this place must be hell! At least it sounds like. There are at least 5 women in various stages of labour screaming bloody murder. Wish the doctor would examine me quickly so i can go home and be at peace. Looks like i am going to spend the rest of my holidays in bed...not nice

12.50 PM
Doctor has heard all amma and aunts have to say, she asks me to undress, and wear the hospital gown. I lie down, my tummy is not round anymore, and i can see the baby's outline . God, this is scary.

The doctor checks all my vitals, and wants to check baby's heartbeat. They connect something to my tummy and ask me to count the number of times baby kicks..i can't. I keep losing track. I tell her i can't. She gets a nurse to check.

Why can't she finish with me..i want to go home.

She calls amma and tells her they will have to induce labour. I have lost all fluid, there is no way i can have c-sec, so they have to give medicines and saline.

I don't tink i am ready for this yet..why now? Will the baby be ready to come out. I demand to see the doctor and ask her about the chances of baby , if the labour goes through. She asks me to pray. This cannot be happening...not to us.

1.30 PM- 5.00 PM
4 saline bottles and no sign of anyting yet. I just saw two women come in, deliver and go...there is another girl in the next bed, who has come in with a false alarm. She is asked to go back.

I too want to go home..i am not ready to have this baby yet.

5.30 PM
See amma and aunt. They have been sitting right outside, she tells me my mom and dad are on their way.

8.00 PM
Everyone except me ahve gone out of the labour room..it is just me and two nurses from the night shift...the old back pain creeps up. I call for the nurse. She rubs my back.

9.00 PM
My mom comes inside...i want to cry. She is crying. I want to see dad, but he is not allowed inside. The pain comes in shocks now.........I want TB here, now.

10.00 PM
The pain is unbearable.I am shifted to the gynec's table. The nurses are rubbing my back. I ask them what is happening , they say i ahve not dilated enough..they are waiting.

11.00 PM
I have stopped dilating...the pain is so bad, i have stopped feeling my body from waist down..it is just numb. I am crying, because my back is killing me..i think these nurses are angels, they have been rubbing my back for the last three hours. They tell me they have called teh doctor, but she is at a family function far away. So some other doctor is coming to have a look. Anything..

I lose track of time....

31st January, 2005

Ahh..first day all at home.

Woke up late, was visited by aunts, uncles and cousins. Unpacked the bags and put all my stuff on the shelves. Tickled the doggy's tummy with leg and generally did nothing.

No no..not really. ...

-Made sure i gave the list to each aunt as to what i want made by them.Craving or no craving, this was the opportunity to make the most of it. Tomorrow, valiamma is making my all time favourite "avial".

-Called up and booked time with the doctor for Feb 5th. Wonder what she will have to say. Hopefully whe will be able to give a date i can wait for....and then tell TB to be here in advance.
Not sure they will let him inside the room though. At least he can sit right outside and panic.

Everyone except mom and me went for the after wedding party and came back with more goodies for me:-)

30th January, 2005

Family weddings are never to be missed. The rustle of kancheevaram silks, the smell of incense and crushed jasmine flowers and the sheer pleasure of catching up with relatives makes every wedding fun.

And of course, the sadya. Hmm..i must have gorged on the avial and payasam. And caught up of some sleep tooo...having the wedding at a house has its advantages.
Me and valiamma, exchanged all the gossip with the bride, as we rested after a heavy lunch.....

When all the guests has left, and the bride and groom had settled for the day, we went home. And to think that i would have missed all this by staying back...aaaghhh!

Now, officially i can start my leave/ holiday/ rest..whatever. I hereby resolve to be lazy for the next month, and do nothing.

Looking forward to having amma and achan come over this weekend , and missing TB:-(

29th January, 2005

Home, with loved one's. Missing TB. Never been home without him in the last 4 years....called him and mom and dad. They are coming down on my birthday to see me and the " tummy" they had not seen:-)

Everyone planning to leave for the party before R Aunty's wedding tomorrow. Decided to go today and see her since tomorrow would be very hectic. So off to their house and party....

Came back late in the day after lots of family gossip, hogging on party food, all the while being treated like a princess. Even managed to get everyone to agree to bring me for the wedding next day. It was at their home anyway..and i could always get some rest if i wanted. All of them decided to indulge the pregnant girl and let her have some fun...

Hmm....being pregnant feels nice.

Tomorrow.......off to the wedding

28th January, 2005

Was my last working day before i went on maternity leave.

Achachan and Achamma had come down to take me to your dad's place. You weren't due for another month and half and i wanted to spend time with both sides of family before you came into our lives. We were to go to your dad's place and stay for two weeks, and all of them wanted to come and drop me at your ammamma's house on Feb 15th. I would spend the next month with them, waiting for you to arrive, soaking up the affection of loved one's, being indulged.

The past few months had been a whirlwind of activities and bought along with it some very unwanted events in our life, and work had been killing. I so needed that break.

Since your dad was far away, mama met up with you achachan and achamma at the hotel they had stayed. The dear friends mama had been staying with insisted on having me dropped, but it was a workday and i would not have them take time off. So off i went in a cab, with my bags in tow.

Achachan and Achamma were so happy to see us. We left and went to the station from where we were to take a train.

By some strange hand of fate, we were booked in a train that none of us had ever travelled in, and it started from a very obscure station. Achachan spent quite some time locating the platform and then figured out that it was going to take a while for the train to arrive , and that there was no place to sit down in the platform.

When the train finally arrived, we could not figure out which was our coach. So achachan left the very pregnant me and the poor soul achamma who could otherwise not walk very comfortably seated and went in search of the right coach. By the time it was figured out and we were settled, achachan was exhausted.

We sat and talked and talked and i told achamma what all i wanted to eat, what all i wanted to do when i was there, and settled for the night.

I closed my eyes, shifted in discomfort in the berth, and dreamt about the days i would do nothing but anticipate your arrival.

Real life anecdotes...

i am learning from experience that sharing real life stories with almost 4 year olds are maybe not such a good idea...

...esp if they are about how the 4 year old's mom had an accident and broke her palm.

Every time she steps out now, he warns her not to travel by scooter, and to watch out for that car which comes from behind.

How do i undo this doing of mine?

just thoughts

--At 9 PM on a winter night, i'd love to sit next to a room heater and sip elachi tea....

instead, i stood under the shower for a full ten minutes and then switched on the fan.

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--Office to train station near home-14 km=19 minutes

Train station to home in auto rickshaw-5km= 58 f*** minutes on a monday evening!!!!!!

I sat and wondered what is still making me stay in this city??, all the while resisting the urge to shoot the next guy who honks , to death.

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--You can't sleep a wink at night when your other half has just managed not to get clobbered by self proclaimed political messiahs.

Politics is now our homegrown terrorism....

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--The other word for people who cannot read or understand instructions are" telecallers".

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-- Everytime i go for a discount sale, all the stuff i want and i like, are never "on sale". Is it just me??
I bought half a fortune worth of books, anyway!

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-- In the age of Ben10 and likes, i still bought books as return gifts for V's birthday. I see myself ending up as the not so popular mom very soon.

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Of birthdays and Star birthdays...

Between my birthdate last weekend, V's Star birthday early this week, my star birthday today and V's Birthdate in another two weeks....I usually end up wondering which is the right date to celebrate??

This two birthday thingie is strange...i end up being wished twice( which is quite nice), i end up thanking lots of people twice( over phone message), and treating the divided population twice( expensive!)

TB does not fall into either category. His category is called " I knew it was on XX date,but i just missed wishing on that date. Sorry..you know how busy it is"

And i don't even get a decent celebration, thanks to the confusion! How bad can that be?

Need to find ONE day mutually agreeable to the divided population.

Growing up to be an elder brother.

No....we are not having another kid. At least not that i know of.

But V certainly seems to be growing to like being an elder brother, from what we have been seeing. For the last one week we had his cousin, TB's brothers daughter at home.

She is about two and half years old, is constantly talking and singing, and is a complete character on her own. I had my own apprehensions about how V will react when she is here. Of course, they talk to each other on the phone every week and proclaim love, send kisses and all that stuff, but having her actually play with his toys is a totally different matter altogether.

So they came, and V started out by being the indulgent brother and handed over the cars and the assortment of vehicles he had, and promply hid his new favourite car. She ignored all of that and went for his older soft toys, that had been stowed away to be given off.
Suddenly, all those toys he had not even glanced at in the last two years, became favourites!

Well..., it got better over the days, eventhough we had instances of V telling her " you are not my sister, give my toy back" and she refusing to acknowledge V's" you are my sister na, please give me that toy" about 50 times in a day.

We also had instances of " this is my mom, not your aunt", " this is my uncle, not your dad" through the days.

But overall, it was not as bad as i expected. Both of them, despite being on loggerheads seem to have figured out that their love is here to stay, and these are just temporary issues.
It was worth watching D crawl into the bed with V and try and wake him up. Even better to see two bright and eager faces emerge from the bedroom holding hands, saying " goo mornim" to all and sundry , including the washing machine on the way.

By the time they left yesterday, they had settled well enough to play with each other for hours together, without any intervention from us. V for sure was not keen on letting her go, but he has extracted a surety from us that he goes home with TB's mom, who leaves in another two weeks.

I am so proud that V will make a fantastic elder brother. Like the one i always wanted , but never had. Now all we need is to make sure he has a younger sibling.

Now that, is a debatable issue. For now, he may have to make do with cousins.

I am on the right side...

of 30.

When the clock strikes midnight, i will turn 32.At 32 life is better than ever. I have what i always wanted. Love, life and happiness:-)

By the likes of a conversation i had with a friend last week, i am offically halfway through life...i don't see any scope of surviving beyond 65. Actually 60, but i guess i'll hang on another 5 to make sure i don't lose out on the retirement benefits i have been diligenty paying for.

And as it is the case with most of the years, TB is most likely to forget it is my birthday. I have a bet with myself to see if he remembers.

What it also means is that,

- Officially , i am allowed to retort to the kids( used in context) who comment at random places with "Cut it out buddy, i am twice your age"

I am soo looking forward to that cheap thrill in life.

Amma...hear this...

The widget at the far right bottom of my page tells me that as on date 1000 people have read all the stuff that i write.

I am sooo feeling all important now. Must tell mom.

She will be thrilled to know that the daughter whose randomly written poems she kept picking out of the waste basket and saving,writes a blog, and people actually read her.

On a side note, i may have to admit to some serious fudging here. There is a very high possibility that close to 200 of those visits were made by me* sheepish smile*, just to feel what my blog says.

Nevertheless...i am still happy

"The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings"

- Meg Ryan as Kathleen Kelly in " You've got Mail"

...really so!

A full house

I have a full house going on...7 adults and two kids below the age of 4 at home. And it has been great....

For a good part of the weekend, i was trying to put things away, make space, pull out sheets and pillows and covers for all of us.I freted and picked and packed and bought supplies and re arranged stuff till it drove me mad.

They arrived late evening, and promptly, all planning went out of the windows...there was stuff lying all around the house, unpacked bags, the kitchen counters full of stuff that had done the journey to find us.. the younger kid finding all the toys i had kept to give away, V staking claim to all of those toys he had not touched in a year , and general pandemonium.

I sat down and wondered what help was it to try and organize before chaos descended. Not much, it looked like.

But....i loved the pandemonium. It felt home. We spent half an hour before sleeptime fighting over " who will sleep where?". We finally ended up having the parents sleep in the spare bedroom, the men in front of the TV, and both the girls caught up on life whispering over sleeping kids.

The week promises to be fun:-)

Today

Plucked a 4 year old from bed and shoved him under the shower in the wintery morning, despite the bawl.

4 year old was fresher and better behaved than usual.

Verdict: Should do again.

New Year, same life

- Still hanging on for dear life on the local trains.
- Still fighting with V on school day mornings.
- Still picking up wet towels from my bed.
- Still can't make up my mind on what to cook for dinner in advance.
- And after all this, no energy for a little love.

Life sucks!Late realization.

2008 in the life of V

This is what 2008 has been for V....

-Turned three and had his birthday party

-Went on his first boating trip on the sea, and went thrice after that...

-Had his first vacation spent with grandparents, and did not miss mama and papa

-Made friends with half the town. And indulges all of them:-)

-Discovered his creative side

-Entered the magical world of books,and loved it.

-Was turned into a "ladybug" by Dad and Mom:-)

-Discovered X box and how to play "Burnout 2" all by himself.

-Got himself a spanky new red Bicycle

-Became choosy of what he wears

-Started writing , and learnt all his alphabets

-Took a roadtrip with mom and dad and tried his hand at driving

Here is hoping 2009 brings us more happiness and love . And many more happy milestones in our life.