1st February, 2005

7.00 AM
Why do i always wake up on time, when i have nothing much to do but sleep in? Makes for a good case study?

8.30 AM
Adai and Coconut chutney should be higher up on the food pedestral. Especially when it is lovingly made by amma and served directly onto the plate. Damn tummy does not allow more than two at a time.

I am so having a second helping in another two hours.

10.30 AM
Second day of holidays and i am slightly bored?have i turned into a workaholic. I picked up all the old magazines and clean up the living room, like always.

11. 00 AM
Missing my mom! for the first time in maybe 12 years?, i call her up to say i miss her and want to see her.

They were to come down on my star birthday 4 days later anyway...Mom was very apologetic saying they cannot come earlier. Should not have called her,. now she is going to feel bad the whole day. Stupid me!

11.30 AM
" Avial arrives"

11.45 AM
Go to kitchen and get a plate with adai and avial, for the second round.Finish , dump plate in sink and plan to settle down.

12.00 PM
Mom is off to take a bath. Youngest aunt comes over to give me company and watch over while she is off.

12.05 PM
Get up to take a magazine , see a small puddle forming on the floor....oh god, incontinence? at this age. Too embarassing, call out to aunt!

Puddle becomes a gush, and it is water, or something like that..it does not stop. Don't know what to do...

Aunt knocks on bathroom door, mom comes out, i go in and wait for this thing to stop. It does not...mom panicks, calls elder aunt. She comes over.

Gush becomes trickle, i can now walk...aunt says lets go to the doctor now, but i want to change, i will not go to doctor in this dress. My room is upstairs..younger aunt comes along to help.

12.20 PM
Come down to find amma and valiamma all ready to leave. Amma is calling achan who has just left to buy something. his phone is ringing, he does not pick up. I tell amma " He has not atken the phone, it is ringing inside his cupboard"

Amma and valiamma, step out to get a taxi, achan walks in. They kill him with their looks. He quietly takes car key and they get me in the car.

12.35 PM
Walk into hospital where i was to meet the doctor on 5th. The doctor is on leave today, go to the labour room, they tell us.

12.40 PM
Walk into the labour room, this place must be hell! At least it sounds like. There are at least 5 women in various stages of labour screaming bloody murder. Wish the doctor would examine me quickly so i can go home and be at peace. Looks like i am going to spend the rest of my holidays in bed...not nice

12.50 PM
Doctor has heard all amma and aunts have to say, she asks me to undress, and wear the hospital gown. I lie down, my tummy is not round anymore, and i can see the baby's outline . God, this is scary.

The doctor checks all my vitals, and wants to check baby's heartbeat. They connect something to my tummy and ask me to count the number of times baby kicks..i can't. I keep losing track. I tell her i can't. She gets a nurse to check.

Why can't she finish with me..i want to go home.

She calls amma and tells her they will have to induce labour. I have lost all fluid, there is no way i can have c-sec, so they have to give medicines and saline.

I don't tink i am ready for this yet..why now? Will the baby be ready to come out. I demand to see the doctor and ask her about the chances of baby , if the labour goes through. She asks me to pray. This cannot be happening...not to us.

1.30 PM- 5.00 PM
4 saline bottles and no sign of anyting yet. I just saw two women come in, deliver and go...there is another girl in the next bed, who has come in with a false alarm. She is asked to go back.

I too want to go home..i am not ready to have this baby yet.

5.30 PM
See amma and aunt. They have been sitting right outside, she tells me my mom and dad are on their way.

8.00 PM
Everyone except me ahve gone out of the labour room..it is just me and two nurses from the night shift...the old back pain creeps up. I call for the nurse. She rubs my back.

9.00 PM
My mom comes inside...i want to cry. She is crying. I want to see dad, but he is not allowed inside. The pain comes in shocks now.........I want TB here, now.

10.00 PM
The pain is unbearable.I am shifted to the gynec's table. The nurses are rubbing my back. I ask them what is happening , they say i ahve not dilated enough..they are waiting.

11.00 PM
I have stopped dilating...the pain is so bad, i have stopped feeling my body from waist down..it is just numb. I am crying, because my back is killing me..i think these nurses are angels, they have been rubbing my back for the last three hours. They tell me they have called teh doctor, but she is at a family function far away. So some other doctor is coming to have a look. Anything..

I lose track of time....