The ups and downs of friendship

Scene 1/ 10.30 PM on a weekday

V :"Amma, you're my best friend"
Me: *swoons* "TB, you heard that? So cute of him...yes kanna! you are my best friend too..."
V:" Acha is my best friend too!"
TB*does a very proud papa, tribal dance*"Yo"
V: "Can we play car now?"


Scene 2/ 8.00 PM, just before dinner

V: " Amma you're my friend , na?"
Me: " Of course yes Kanna, why ?"
V: " I want that" *Pointing to jar of strawberry jelly drops kept high away from him*
Me: "no"
V: " You're not my friend...Katti"

Scene 3/ 7.30 AM on saturday, like two seconds after waking up

V: " Amma, you're my best friend ever"
Me: " Ok kanna, you are my friend too"
V:*eager expression*" We'll go and play in park now, na?"
Me:Huh!

Scene 4/Anytime of the day

Me:" who made this mess here?, how many times have i told you blah blah....." *rolls eyes*
V: " You are my best friend, i want to hug you" holds onto leg amidst protests*.
" I will give you a kiss also"

Scene 5/ After a week of being best friends

V:" Amma, you are my best friend!"
Me:" Ok kanna, tell me what you want , NOW"


People...i see a future PR guy here.

My story of panchamritham......

Sivaratri is a big celebration back where i grew up..it still is. Only, i haven't been around during the celebrations for over a decade.

The sights, the sounds , the smells...oh ! the smells!

Sneaking into the granary to check if all the ingredients for 'panchamritam' have arrived, waking up on sivarathri mornings to the sounds over all the containers available being washed, mashing the bananas with sugar cane, wearing new dresses, arrival of all relatives.....the pooja, prasad on banana leaves, the fireworks after that.....and the sugar induced coma that sets in post lunch.

I now live with memories!

It was always the one festival that bought the entire extended family tree to our ancestral home...the house , the courtyard would be teeming with people, maybe a hundred relatives, and even more villagers....

The kids always got the messier tasks, collecting flowers, peeling bananas, mashing them, but participate we did. In between running around and sneaking off to play.

The men had the more serious tasks...arranging for the 'poojari', getting the pachamritam ready before the start of thew pooja, making sure the "kathina vedi"- barrel crackers , and planted safe and away from the crowd, while amma and ammamma made sure these were enough vessels to give away panchamritham to each house hold..of course after giving them a mouthful on not bringing their on containers:-)

We were free to do what we wanted and usually caught up on where we left of the day before, or the week before....playing, running around- till the pooja starts.
Then there is impatience, for the pooja to get over, and get the prasad..." pachamritam" on banana leaves, running in all directions.I always played safe and took one spoon on the leaf..then went and got myself a small bowl and took extra helpings in that...some advantages on being the girl of the house, and of staying in the 'tharavadu'.

Then we would all find a safe spot from the scorching sun stand and watch/ listen to the fireworks...it was always the youngest uncle who used to be in charge- i think he got a kick out of getting louder and scarier crackers every year....

My mom hated what came after this. The panchamritam, sittting in a huge vessle, had to divided between the various households as per their contribution, and number of members at home.
Logistical nightmare...and a very bad house keeping nightmare come true.
Pachamritham, is one tricky matter...like a mixture of custard and honey- sticky in parts, runny in some, stains like crazy and ants love it.

After all that is over, there would still be about 20 ltrs of the stuff left, that goes to the immediate family, and gets stored , to be sent away to....chez moi now, TB's house, Our BIL's house maybe this year..all relatives, who may come visiting in the next two months, or who may get visited in the same time span.
That leaves about 10 ltrs, which we ate in bulk...and passed out in sugar induced coma..for the remainder of the day.

oops! no sleep...there was still the whole night movie at the temple compound. All stories of god played out on the makeshift screen, while the entire village stayed awake with Lord Shiva. At some stage in life, we out grew this and stuck to watching the same stuff, but staying at home.

Sivarathri now, is another day ay office, trying to figure out how to keep V busy at home, missing the celebrations and calling up home to maybe catch some long distance sounds of the celebrations. And of course reminding amma to bring us( TB) a large horlicks bottle full of panchamritam on her next trip.

Life is all about living in anticipation , right? and my expectations are pretty simple. A bottle of home made panchamritam, make me delirously happy!

Bitchy rant

To the waif thin , size 34 suit weilding, just out of college, wannabe consultant......

A polite acknowledgement for the very well mannered " excuse me", " please" , and " thank you" will be appreciated in this office. Especially to the client who is paying us so you could be here in the first place!

THAT, maybe will go a long way , instead acting busy on the phone and dropping names in their vicinity.

Just so you know....

About 426

That is the number of muscles i have on the lower half of my body.

After a week on the treadmill, they are all clamouring for attention!!!!

Is restraint a quality for the masses?

I walked into office this morning..and read this article.

Could not help but agree with him. Over the last three months, i have been speaking to people who have been unceremoniusly asked to exit.
People who have been working for the last 20 years, Bright eyed MBA's who had bagged THAT fantastic job a year ago- now no more, That brilliant marketing guy who started a company last year..all of them, at the same door.

And companies that threw out people in masses, are still paying out bonuses to their management, in staggering figures!!

I sense the caution, the despair, the fear of not knowing what is in store for tomorrow...in the voices of people i speak to. And despair, as i have no way of helping them. For now....all of us are happy being able to get up in the morning and have someplace to work at.

Will we be able to spend on a lavish party for your child when half of his parents jobs are under threat?
Will we be able to have a dinner a week outside, in a new restaurant in the locality?
Will we be able to make it to all the sale that the city is being overrun with?
Will we, finally take off on that dream vacation that was long overdue, now with the bargains and all?
That car we have been talking about...can we buy that now?

Can we still afford all that? Thankfully, Yes!

Will we do it? Personally, i do not think so. That is where the article becomes relevant. Understanding the social situation around us and behaving as responsible people is what the hour needs....and i am sure we are not the only one's who think the same way.

And then, we read about the excesses, and wonder if restraint is a quality reserved for the masses??? Living within our means seems to be a middle class sentiment...at least it look like to me.

Sunit writes " sure, it's your money to do as you please, but is this conspicuous spending the right thing to do? Particularly when your armies of employees are working day and night to save their jobs? "

And also adds
"It's a tricky moral argument. Wealth has been flaunted through the ages, with varying degrees of tackiness. Simply put, the businessperson is today's maharaja and his/her shopping list is fodder for society. Indeed, the media has played a leading role in celebrating wealth, however notional. With terms like 'repressed demand', the 'many Indias' and the 'trickle-down effect', the middle class has rationalised the 450 million people living below the poverty line. It's debatable whether displays of wealth in tough times actually shock the poor. Truth be told, it upsets the middle class, more so when the going isn't good."

All we can hope for is that we do not go through a phase of lamenting over a "failed era of excesses".

There is an entire mass of people around us whose going is not so good right now. Maybe we should be considerate to them, thankful for what we still have and learn to appreciate it.

And the strength to tide over, if this ever comes knocking at our door.

All i need now is a pill for self inspiration

I re invent myself, every once in a while. And this does not mean start all over again..it might be something specific that i want to do....something i'd like to change.

Right now it feels like it is time to re invent- myself. No, i am not changing the way i am as a person, it has more to do with my lifestyle.. while i still have not figured out what all will i need to categorize under this...that list is still 'wip'.Given the fact that i have crossed the 30 bridge, and with a family lineage of diabetes and osteoporosis, it definitely includes eating sensibly, and giving my body enough exercise and rest of course.

I thought i should put this down somewhere, given my tendency to forget a lot of things one has to do for self. The stage is set,all that is left is for the mind to take over and execute.

If only it was that easy....

Lets see where this leads..and how much of it gets translated into action.

In anticipation

Of the pink Khadi saree from SRS, in return for half a dozen of pink chaddies sent so lovingly.

Very patient here:-)

My two cents too...

I joined the pink chaddi campaign. To be specific, i joined the facebook group that calls them selves" A Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women".

We have never"celebrated" Valentine's day- if you discount the act of buying cards for each other at Fountainhead in circa 1997. And i have not stepped inside a pub in maybe about 6 years now. So what?

I might just decide to go today and Shri Ram Sena can classify me as " loose and forward woman". Add to the fact that most of my best friends are men. MEN! . I am sure Mr. Muthalik will have a problem if i decide to jump with joy and hug my best friends and hold hands with them publicly because they are "men" and of course, holding hands hugging will not be right according to our religious sentiments.

I usually play very safe under such circumstances and slink off..what got me this time was the reaction of the local Ram Sena representative to this article.

"The Sri Ram Sene said the Consortium of Pubgoing, Loose and Forward Women was free to protest any way it thought fit. “It’s a free country after all. However, we would like to know the backgrounds of these people since nobody from good families would resort to such steps which are very cheap,’’ its Bangalore unit president Vasanth Kumar Bhavani said. "

Ahhh...the moral police.

I am off to buy pink chaddies and send them in hoardes to Shri Ram Sena, because " I AM from a good family, I AM educated, I AM a citizen of this country, and it allows me freedom of speech, ( which does not ncessarily translate into freedom of action, as they have mis understood) . I am part of a very well settled, religious family,and i completely believe that beating up women is also" AGAINST INDIAN CULTURE"- oh, did they miss that part while reading up our culture??

THAT , is my background and i stand by the campaign. Just so they know "who resorts to such steps which are very cheap’’-----THEY DO.

Testing my fundamental understandings

We are watching "Jungle Book", maybe for the 5th time. I am answering a trizillion questions in between each scene, now that he is old enough to have doubts.

We reach the part where Mowgli is talking to the vultures..

V: " mama, what is this bird?"
Me: "It's a vulture?. Remember, we saw on TV the other day, after the lions ate the deer, these birds came and ate the rest? They eat dead animals "* feels blissfully happy about imparting this bit of national geographic info to child*
V:" Hmmm...* nods*

After like two minutes,

V: " Amma, i am also vulture"
Me: "Heh!,why?"
V: " I also eat dead animals, na? I eat dead fish & dead chicken. So i am also vulture"
Me: "Ummmm...ehhh...no"* strangely feels he is right, shuts up *

An unsaid fear

Above everything in life is the time spent with loved one's. Nothing can buy that time, nothing can be better than it.
And till it is no longer there, one never knows how much it means to each of us....It is just so easy to take loved one's for granted.

I live in fear that someone i love may have to learn it the hard way, when it may no longer be there.

Sick preschooler at home

After 2.30 AM 'emptying contents of stomach' on parents brand new blanket, and falling asleep, I let the poor child sleep through morning and not send him to school.

Let the poor child rest at home and recuperate...

Ok...you get the background. We leave for our respective offices and this is the next scene.

9. 20 AM: call up home to check on poor sick child. Poor child is awake and has demanded noodles/'Lightning McQueen' cake/ Chicken for breakfast. Demanded that mom call dad and ask why he left without bye!

11.40 AM: Usual time for V to reach home from school, so i call by habit. V picks up phone- i ask him if he is feeeling better? He ignores question, and proceeds to ask me why i was calling again.So i speak to valiamma and keep the phone down.

11.45 AM: V calls back asking why i did not speak to him!!!!!!So i listen to the entire rentition of "Finley the fire engine" and ask him if i could keep the phone down . He says bye, gives me a flying kiss

12.15 PM: V calls again. Asks"When you come home, will you read me this book?". I am holding another call, i politely put that on hold and ask" which book, kanna?".
V: "This book mama.." picture V furiously waving the book in front of mouthpiece*

Me: " I can't see over the phone, tell me which story?"
V: * long pause*. I go back to other call and tell them i will call back
"hmmmmm...the....water, pond...one minit....
ah..the duckling going to mama duck story"

Me:" The ugly duckling?...sure, when i come in the evening, we will read it. ok?Amma is going to keep the phone. Bye"
V: " Ok, bye"

1.30 PM: I call to check if he has has lunch,cough has got better, has slept et cetera...
Valiamma picks up and says she is going back to native village( She says this at least 5 times everyday, just so you guys don't panic yet). Apparently he did not want to have lunch and she forced it down his throat, so he told her" You not my friend, you go home"..and they were not talking to each other.

I demand to speak to him, he refuses to come to the phone, wants the phone to be taken to him.
Finally, he comes on line" kannu, how are you feeling?"
V: " Fine....will you get me a white car like buntu's when you come?"

Me: " No, i just got you a plane yesterday. Did you have lunch?"
* ingores second part of question*" Why are you in office, you come home"

Me: " I will be there soon...you go sleep for while, only then can you go down and play. ok?"
* No response*...i can hear him making "vroooom" sounds

Me: " Ok..go sleep NOW. And don't trouble valiamma"
V: " Bye"

2.30 PM: V calls
V: "Amma, when you come, will you get me a gingerbread man?"
Me: "Why are you still awake?. Plus i really don't know where to get a gingerbread man from. Go to sleep. "

V:" You ask the autorickshaw uncle to take you to gingerbread shop, and get gingerbread man from there, ok?"
Me: Ok. I will try. IF i get it, i will bring it in the evening. Go to sleep

4.30 PM: Call home, no response...means they are at the park.

6.30 pM: Call home, no response...still playing at park

7.30 PM: Call home* rings endlessly*, Valiamma picks up at last.
Me:" You just got back from park, so long?"
Valiamma:*exasperated* "You should maybe send him to school, even if he is sick. Now i am exhausted.

We read 'ugly duckling', 'the noddy story' and played with jigsaw puzzles after all that.
Now, i need a leave!So much for sympathy!!

Murphy's law in my life

When there is family visiting over, there is always a client who will pull up deadlines, and make me work late.

Just when all the family has left and i am done with mopping over the time i could not spend with them, the deadline magically extends!

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When i call the helpline 10 times and finally get through to the agent, they can't register my complaint because the "systems have gone down"

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When the cab driver suggests an alternate route because the regular route is chocablock, the alternate route has just been dug up?

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2nd February, 2005

2.30 AM

I am half conscious, i can't feel anything, and my back is still killing me...my eyes are bloated from crying so long. The nurses are surprised i have not screamed at all though this...

Suddenly they move from the side, between the tears i see a blurred vision. In red saree, wearing gold ornaments, she looks like mahalakshmi from that old calendar. This must be goddess..That vision is stored forever in my memory.
Goddess tells me she had to come and see me, however far she was away and tells me things are not looking too good. She wants to cut open and take the baby out....whatever, i tell her. I can feel the scalpel cutting through, strangely there is no pain.

3.03 AM

She asks me to push, and then there is a huge wave of relief. I know the baby is out. Aren't they supposed to cry. I can't hear anything..i panic. I hear the water turned on , and a loud wail.. the sweetest sound ever heard.

The nurse comes around with baby" it's a boy" she says. I see a glimpse of the red face , and a stubby nose. I reach and kiss the nose. She says she has to take him to the NICU, he is going to be in the incubator for a while....and he is taken away

3.10 AM

The doctor congratulates me, and says she needs to stitch me up. I am is a trance, i ask her if it is going to hurt..she laughs and says" not more than what you went through"..i smile.
They stitch me up, and i listen all about the wedding she was at, in a haze. She tells me she is done, after 23 stitches, and asks me to rest...I want chai, they get me chai, and i fall asleep on the gynec table. They let me sleep.

6.30 AM
I wake up, and feel like i was in a dream. The stitches hurt, and the entire night comes back in a moment.
I am shifted to a room. I want to see my baby, i tell them. He is in Neo natal ICU, you can see him at 11.30 AM they say. I count seconds.

My dad comes, and hugs me like there is no tomorrow. Family comes into the room. They have seen baby in the morning...he is very tall, like TB, they tell me. I count seconds

11.30 AM

I have been waiting outside for 15 minutes now. They let me into the visitors room, the nurse comes and takes me inside the ICU. It is yellow all over the place. So many babies. can't amke out which one is ours....The nurse stops right next to an incubator.

V lies there...too tall for the incubator, and lanky..but he looks like the perfect baby that was ever made. I can't hold him. i can only touch his feel and hands. I think i will die..i want to stay there.

The nurse walks me out. I see him the next day.

*****************************************************************************

V spends 15 days in NICU before he goes home with us. TB saw V for the first time after 3 days after he was born. V battled losing weight & not being able to feed for a full month before he finally got back his act and decided it was time to fight back. He has not stopped...

Happy birthday my son. You have been and will be my best ever gift.

Today you will turn 4. I think i will never ever be able to show you how much i love you. I just don't know how.