Life..so fickle

This was supposed to be my weekend of redemption. It is not very often that one gets a three day weekend, all by yourself. All those books, the forgotten library membership, unopened DVD's...i had grand plans!
Someone above had grander plans~

I mopped and moped on friday...called V 8 times, till mom told me to get a life. Wallowed in loneliness, made mental note to discuss the option of kids no: 2/3/4...with TB , re arranged V's cupboard, crossed off kids no 3 & 4 from mental note, gave off clothes, and moped some more.

Saturday was my day to do stuff..it was all going as per plan..till,
...the gentleman who lives 9 floors above us fell to his death, while i watched~ There was no screaming, no melodrama, nothing. He just fell, right under my window..while i watched. I ran out , down the stairs, called out to the neighbours, to the security..to everyone around.


He did not move, he just lay there, one look and we knew it was all over. The son was called for...he saw his dad at pooja and then step outside to do "suryanamaskaram". The doctor from the neighbouring block pronounced him dead ...and the body was moved from the road where he lay. The ambulance from the hospital arrived, and refused to take his body..it was not a medical emergency anymore.

What dignity is left when you die? His body lay just where the stairs ended , with no loved one's around, by chance or by design, the son in a state of shock being tended to by neighbours. The living one's obviously needed more attention. I sat on the stairs, and watched the body, now covered with a new borrowed sheet. I felt guilty to leave him there are walk back into the house...almost as if the very act of being the one who saw him in his final moments had made him family. I just couldn't walk away. Neighbours came, peeped- harriedly led the children away. The saner, more straight thinking souls called for the ambulance, and the police.

The cops arrived, two full hours later, look futile statements on who saw what, where did he fall, who pronounced him dead etc...and the ambulance took him away.

I went home, not believing that this had actually happened. It was just two days ago that this man was walking his granddaughters. Life is just so..fickle!

I could not bear staying at home , the image just came back to haunt..locked the door and walked out and came back in time to see the body being carried to crematorium. This was so...not right.

I waited for TB to come and broke down.

It has been two nights of sleeplessness, of dismembered dreams of the same sequence, but with a different protagonist each time. Death has not been new...it just seems to find a novel way of etching itself hard enough into my psyche.


I hope the gentleman rests in peace. Every time i see the dark patch on the asphalt, unyeilding to repeated washes, those moments come flooding back..

I need to find peace too, with myself. And it is not going easy.