Birthdays...to or not to?

V had another party to attend yesterday evening. So the dutiful mother frantically rushes back from work, and takes him to the party lest he misses all the fun.......(and the cake, and the return gift)..excuse me, who is this cheapo talking in between??. We do not attend parties for material benefits. I digress, sorry.

Parties get me worked up. I usually find them as a platform to express the family's status quo( i guess that is the right word). The venue, the number of children you invite, the parents dress - not just the childs, the cake design, the event organizers, the games played, the food served all are taken as indications. And of course, the now mandatory return gift. The whole idea scares the hell out of me..

V is three this year, and has had one birthday party( so called) till date. The first two years we felt he was too young to understand the concept..who are we really celebrating for? The parents of course. And our way of celebrating ALWAYS, is family and close friends. So the first year, we had my sister and V's godparents take him out to his ( our) favourite lakeside restaurant and generally fool round.

The highlight of his second birthday was the breakfast we had at the old age home near our place. We did not have any elders staying with us and wanted to share our special day with some one. So we went across to the old age home nearby and asked them if we could have a special breakfast for all the elders there and could we be a part of it? They agreed, and we worked out the menu and cost etc.
On his birthday, we reached the place and sat down with all of them and had our breakfast. The most special moment was when they thanked god for the food for the day and wished V and sang " Happy Birthday". I almost cried. I will never forget seeing 100 elderly people, all above 60 , sing for my son. He was thrilled, he walked around, spoke to them in his own language and must have been kissed by each one of them. One of them, and lady who does not mingle with anyone , kept asking to hold him and he of course was more than willing. Her nurse kept hovering around, she just sat there with him, and when we left, got up and went back without eating a morsel of her food.
PS: Before we moved cities, we again had dinner with the entire old lot. I am not sure who was more happy to see each other. When we told them we were moving away, all of them wished us. We count our blessings!

Then the third birthday. We were in a new city and V wanted a party. By then he knew that party means fun, and was not planning to let go of that. Panic struck!
What do i do? Who all do i call?Cake? gift? Decorations? Chaos!
Having a husband in the service industry works well in such occassions...the cake is always taken care of and impeccable!
We decided to call the few kids that V plays with and we know well enough. And we had my parents visiting. So the party consisted of about 5 kids and their moms( the man species is perennially absent from all these social activities. Hail women, for holding together the slender thread of socializing)- i don't know what i just wrote, please ignore. Decorations by inhouse designers( self / mom / dad), cake by TB, and specific gifts for each of the kids( only 5).
The cake was to die for and the kids rocked. They just took on and gave the party life. Mom's sat around lauding our lives!

So when i walked into this party yesterday, i was hoping i'll find familiar faces, just be my tired haggard self( show me someone who looks good after 12 hours of work and 4 hours of commute- TB does not count).
I was pleasantly surprised..the same gang of mom's , instead of 5 kids, now there are 6 in the group, so six of us..same kids and i felt instantly at home. So we sat and munched on all the yummy, unhealthy party food, while the kids ran around the house supervised by the bithday girls grandmother who took control of the kiddie situation. Good Fun!

Do i like going to birthday parties? Only if i know them well enough to walk in and just be myself.
Do i want to have a birthday party for V next year?..needs some serious thought. I can have his friends over, and let them have some fun, and give me panic attacks.
But i definitely do not want a party done professionally, at a venue, with numerous kids i have no clue who. Not my cuppa tea folks. We'll stick to home parties.

I am very shallow...

I force my son to dress up as a cow herd and make him work cattle!



Hell No! The only manual labour he is doing playing that hideous flute(!) and wreaking havoc on our poor
ear drums!
It was hidden under the sofa so we could get some much needed sleep, by his scheming mother...

And he is not going cow herding. He's off to celebrate janmashtami( lord krishna's birthday) at playschool.

He went to school with a bus full of boys dressed like him and girls dressed as radha. They looked soooo cute!!

Foot note: TB took one look at the costume and asked me.....

"we'll be doing this every year???..for how long?'.

Rest assured TB, not very long. Either his shallow mother will grow wiser or the son will, protesting to do this anymore. Then we stop. For now, go ahead and enjoy that smile.

We love birthdays...as long as there is a party

More so when it happens to be Buntu's!!





Okay Buddy, now get up...lets do this together





Here, let me show you how to play ....just watch while i try to stand on this balloon and burst it.







He kept doing this despite getting out in the first round...keep it up.








And finally..the Cake, and the birthday boy of course...

In the picture: Meet the boy gang that cycles together.



We love eating french fries under the table. They just taste better ....









And we love birthdays....V woke up today and asked me if we can go for another birthday party today!!!! As long as there is cake and friends, he's game.

Deprived!

Of sleep, foot massage, someone to cook and basically run my house....
Deprived of having parents nearby, of relatives around to celebrate good days.....
Deprived of watching sunrise in a garden....
I am depressed. It is showing.
maybe i should just leave all this and go and stay in our village. My life will be much more enriched, so will be V's.
Not so sure of TB though. He needs his testosterone shot of meeting powerful and all important people once in a while.

Hoping this depression is temporary....i have been sulking, and sulking and sleepy. How does one manage all that is to be done in a day of 24 hours!
I guess there is no management skill in any of my daily activities. They just happen..by some random design.
And where is time to myself in all this???I am still figuring out.

Cheering up self

What better than pictures of V to cheer me up...

There he is, with his trademark laugh...now he does this whenever he tries to be participative in others conversation. He just joins in and starts laughing at inane things till you acknowledge his presence.

The saint look.. how i wish those chubby cheeks would come back

One of the first pictures of V on my phone. He is as small as TB's lap and loved to smile at everything. He always does.

He's less that 6 months old, and the "evil eye" black spot is firmly in place above the right eyebrow. He might just disown me for these pictures when he grows up.

They grow up sooo fast, he will be four in another six months!! and has a very clear sense 0f dressing, unlike his mom. Has hair that has to be cut every third week, unlike his mom. Is obsessed about keeping things back in the correct place, and picking up after dad...just like his mom.

I love both the men in my life....and wish they stay as they are.

Please note...

This is what happens when you let 3.5 year olds take pictures on your mobile.

Self portrait: Notice that snub nose...That, is purely my contribution. TB has no hand in that.

Still haven't figured out what this is.....

That thing on top..its a tubelight holder, just FYI

Welcome to the artistic world of V

One more?

I have written here , several times over that TB and me would love to have another kid..a girl, maybe?

But the question is when?I can never seem to put together a good time for that. As always, there are these million questions that come to mind....
1. How do i share my time with V???
2. Where is my support structure to maintain another kid..and this does not in anyway mean money.
3. What do i do once i have two kids? Quit working?( unthinkable!)
4. How will we manage home/ kids/ work and commute!!
Invariably, it all comes back to time....which we have in hand in very scanty amount.

I completely feel V should have a sibling- to learn to share, to love, to be responsible for, to be loved, to be adored, to be looked upon and just to be there for him, when all else has passed. I just don't know when. Every evening, when the door opens and V flies into my arms, i completely fail my resolve to have another kid someday , and share my time with him.

We have so much love to give him, and so little time to tell him that. For now, being a perfect family can wait..i need V and his hugs, unrestrained.

Smarty pants!

I do not remember having fussed about what i was made to wear all through my childhood...ever. I think most of it had to do with the reason that there was not much of options to choose from. But, it worked.
Mom used to stitch most of our clothes till we were about five, and then readymades took over. There was never a question of us( me and sis) deciding what we wear..well, till i was maybe 11 or 12.
I was wondering how much changes in a generation....for the last two weeks, i have been fighting with V everyday when i get him dressed for school. The reason..he will wear only trousers/ jeans to school. Not the shorts, not the half pants, not the collared shirts, nothing but jeans, pants and T shirts.
When did 3 1/2 year olds get fashion conscious????
For the first few days, i gave and let him wear what he wanted. Then i picked up a nice set of halfpants and a matching shirt two days ago , and he just refused to wear it, i walked out, Valiamma intervened and finally got him to wear it.
Today again, i picked up another set, and he just refused to wear it. I tried asking him why? he just said no! Then i told him he can go to school if he wears this set, or he can stay at home.......he acted like he was going to cry, so i told him to go ahead and finish crying , and told him i was leaving in five mins and he can leave with me if he gets dressed by then.
This has become a daily routine...just when i thought i has conquered the " eat your breakfast quickly" fight, this one had to show up.
What is with kids these days...its like they seem to have an opinion about everything! I absolutely detest these fights...considering that only 25% of V's wardrobe is Jeans and pants, i see a lot more of these fights coming our way.
So should i relent, give in, let him wear what he wants? and let him feel he can get away with what he does? We are not that kind of parents..i stick to my guns , and resolve to impose military rule from today when it comes to dressing...I resolve, leave home, brood about being nasty to V and feel like an absolute defeat of a mother by the time i reach office at 9.36 AM.

At 10.02 AM, i overhear my next cubicle colleague( mother of age 7 & 4- boys) talk to another collague( mother of age 12- girl!) about kids and clothes. I jump out of my seat, butt into the conversation without any invitation(colleagues- thank you for letting my butt in), and pour my heart out on the above topic. I am prompltly reassured by both of them that it will only get worse, and that i should keep my resolve on to make sure things don't worsen any further.

I thank god for giving me an office filled 95% with women( so much of timely advice), heave a sigh of relief( still wondering why? it is going to get worse anyway!), feel one with world motherhood and get back to work.

V in his favourite corner of the house

There he is...looking out at the world go by. Actually..not the world. Its only the fitness enthusiasts in our building and the cars...plus a cat family, which loves to sleep under the cars parked right below. Shoo kitty..run. There's a car coming ....




There he is again..not looking very interested now. Guess the Kitten finally crossed the road ...

Questions..

"Where do you see yourselves five years from now?"...sounds familiar?? I hear that a lot, and i also hear a lot of " here's where i see myself in the next five years....."
I can put down a wide variety of responses...

1. Heading the division( if i am still here)
2. Contributing to the overall organization( ..if i am still here)
3. Taking your job(..if i am still here)
4. Creating new synergies ( aarghh!..actually heard this one. Synergy, Here? Where?)
5. Strategizing to overthrow the management around here and position myself as the next successor( he he..yet to hear this one)

Totally..cliche`

Wonder why no one ever asked me that question? I have been for exactly two interviews in my life and never got an opportunity to deal with this question(none of those interviewers have any idea what they missed- my response could have been the next big thing in global harmony!)
So where exactly do i see myself in five years?

Workwise..exactly the same as i do today..i have said that before, i am not ambitious. I just like to do what makes me happy..Right now i am happy.
I sure do some of the things i would like to do/ see happen over the next ten years though...five is too short. I'll stick to ten.

1. Quit working full time( hope my boss does not read this!..and yes i intend to be here for the next ten years)
2. Have another kid...( and prefereably a girl-i think secretly TB was hoping we'll have a girl when i was expecting V). So this should be his chance to get fair.
3. Move out of city and live in a farm( this one's going to take some more time i guess- but it is what i want to do more than anything else)
4. Grow an organic farm- i have no idea if i have green fingers, but there is nothing more satisfying that seeing your garden grow..i think could do it for ever.
5. Have a house that we can stay in at the farm...one where mom and dad can stay with us, and TB's mom and dad and aunt too can stay with us...i am not asking for too much, or am i?
6.See V grow up to be a good human being. I don't care if he does not get the best grades in class or be in the top three..if he can be a good human being, that is all that matters.
7. Have TB come home by nine PM. We need him as much as his work does..actually more. We're going to be around him longer than work..

I digress..and hit a mental block. So i quit thinking and get back to work.