The Passing Of The Year

----by Robert William Service

"My glass is filled, my pipe is lit,
My den is all a cosy glow;
And snug before the fire I sit,
And wait to feel the old year go.
I dedicate to solemn thought
Amid my too-unthinking days,
This sober moment, sadly fraught
With much of blame, with little praise.

Old Year! upon the Stage of Time
You stand to bow your last adieu;
A moment, and the prompter's chime
Will ring the curtain down on you.
Your mien is sad, your step is slow;
You falter as a Sage in pain;
Yet turn, Old Year, before you go,
And face your audience again.

That sphinx-like face, remote, austere,
Let us all read, whate'er the cost:
O Maiden! why that bitter tear?
Is it for dear one you have lost?
Is it for fond illusion gone?
For trusted lover proved untrue?
O sweet girl-face, so sad, so wan
What hath the Old Year meant to you?

And you, O neighbour on my right
So sleek, so prosperously clad!
What see you in that aged wight
That makes your smile so gay and glad?
What opportunity unmissed?
What golden gain, what pride of place?
What splendid hope? O Optimist!
What read you in that withered face?

And You, deep shrinking in the gloom,
What find you in that filmy gaze?
What menace of a tragic doom?
What dark, condemning yesterdays?
What urge to crime, what evil done?
What cold, confronting shape of fear?
O haggard, haunted, hidden One
What see you in the dying year?

And so from face to face I flit,
The countless eyes that stare and stare;
Some are with approbation lit,
And some are shadowed with despair.
Some show a smile and some a frown;
Some joy and hope, some pain and woe:
Enough! Oh, ring the curtain down!
Old weary year! it's time to go.

My pipe is out, my glass is dry;
My fire is almost ashes too;
But once again, before you go,
And I prepare to meet the New:
Old Year! a parting word that's true,
For we've been comrades, you and I --
I thank God for each day of you;
There! bless you now! Old Year, good-bye!"

The weekend that was

So went our christmas extended to anniversary weekend....It was totally fun, except for the return journey. Ahem! We'll come to the bad parts later...

We drove( figuratively of course, i am addicted to the passenger seat. Wouldn't trade that for anything) about six hours, including the one hour we spend chasing V to make him eat breakfast.

Till we were about 20 km from Mahabaleshwar, we were pretty convinced that it could not be as cold as we were told. The sun was blazing, the car Ac was full on, and we were hoping for a winter break?? But lo behold, it.was. cold. The temp suddenly dropped, and Mahabaleshwar was everything that we were told it would be. And yes, it was teeming with people. Half of mumbai seemed to have descended there.

Nevertheless, it was worth the travel. We had two good days roaming, including the famed temples, the breathtaking( heartstopping, is more like it) views from the various points, went boating, and horsing(as V says it), ate all sundry stuff and bought a lot of stuff from the MAPRO farm- like three months worth of jams, crushes, jellies etc.

Personal highs-

- Having TB feed V three times a day, for two days straight. I loooved it. I could totally do another trip to see that. He was completely papa's boy.
- Watching a strawberry garden, and real strawberries( please pardon if i sound completely over the top here- i grew up pretty convinced that strawberry picking was some exotic thing that only children outside india did). I took pictures of strawberries- red , green and all shades. I have hereby gotten oven strawberry madness. And yes, we also has strawberries and cream, like every faithful who comes here.
- Admiring the baby radishes and baby carrots that lines every road. I was sooo tempted to buy all of them.
- Singing along with the car radio, and teaching V the lyrics of " We will, we will rock you"
- Complete lack of mobile network. Ha ha....there was not even one signal bar where we stayed. And there was peace.

Some revelations over the weekend

- I am completely out of form, half a day to all the points , and i was panting like a dog!
- V has inherited a lot of habits from my dad, inclusing a very irritating one of not using the pot when outside his home. He waited till we got back home to do his thing!
- V has motion sickness. He thereby joins the ranks of his mother and grandmother who consider antihistamines among world greatest discoveries.
- I still remain incapable of riding a horse, or rowing a boat, or driving a car. Hmmm! Maybe i should include this into a new year list?
- If ever one needs a romantic holiday, one should find alternate accomodation plans for child.
Child+ Romantic destination= Not happening. Am glad we figured this one out before we plan on a romantic escapade.


The anniversary itself was very eventful, where my stomach and my intestines gave up and had a field day. I was up from 4 AM, emptying the contents of my stomach. Considering the long drive, i had a ' lomotil' and did not have a single drop of water. Despite that,we stopped several times and i threw up( or tried to, rather).
V joined the club and threw up all over his dress. We changed his dress, cleaned up, started,and he threw up again!. Between me and V, poor TB made several stops,i was pretty convinced he would stop and ask " Ok, whose turn is it now?" after some time. He held his fort and got us home very quickly.

We managed to go to the temple and thank god for making sure we have not killed each other by now, and making a petition that it stays that way for the next 50 years.

Then we went to the hospital and and told the doctor all about my stomach and intestines giving up on me. Went home feeling better courtesy one injection and several medicines. The doc called it hyper acidity, and lectured me on skipping meals. TB calls it stupidity- all it needed was one Omez, he says.
Anyways, i now have 3 days worth of disgusting medicines to have, that should put my digestive system back on track.

All in all, a very memorable anniversary, and a weekend that we totally enjoyed. Some pictures from the trip are here.....


V at our place of stay....they had lovely gardens all around..

Father and son walking in the cold night( bad lighting, i know..)

Yay..strawberries!!

And some more strawberries....

....Love is what makes the ride worthwhile

Dear TB,

Eight years of marriage…feels like a life time. Wonder how it feels to be together when we are together for 50 years. We’ll maybe just wait to find out.

For our eight years together, here are eight songs….Why these 8, if you may ask?
They just remind me of US. I guess that is reason enough.

So here they are, in no order….

“Looks like we made it…” by Shania Twain

This song, totally! We did not have a controversial marriage by any means…there was love, family and lots and lots of faith. For everything that we have been through in the last 8 years…Look how far we’ve come, my baby.

“Somethin’ Stupid…” Frank Sinatra/ Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman

Now this one is your song. For those years when you disguised you love under friendship and never once told me. When you chaperoned me for my dates, and prayed silently that i would get over my crush for someone else. For standing by when my heart was unceremoniously broken. For never proposing, fearing it would even end our friendship. What would have happened to us, if it had not been for that fateful bus trip? I always wonder…..

I thank god for friends who take liberty, and that life changing bus journey.

“I want to stand with you on a mountain…” Savage Garden

There are days when I hate you. When I feel instant divorces should be a reality. Times when I feel I am being taken for granted. When I want to walk out of the house leaving everything behind. Just so you know how life will be without me around.
But those are just 6.5 days out of 365 days in a year. This song is for the remaining days of the year.

When we are older, and been married for maybe 50 years, maybe we could bring the 6.5 days to 6.5 hours..?
”…….i want to live like this forever, until the sky falls down on me”

“Where do I begin…”Andy Williams

Our love story…forever. This song has been around for ever, but none of them say it as well.
“……When I reach out my hands for you, it is always there”

OMG! I think I am beginning to become romantic after 30!!

“I don’t wanna miss a thing…” Aerosmith

Just as the song….

“The best of me…”Bryan Adams

You always get the best of me. And errr..sometimes the worst too… guess it comes as a package.

“ Life’s a highway….” Rascal Flatts

And the drive gets better with you along......taking turns, cutting through edges, swerving, balancing , singing along….and overall, enjoying this drive.

“When you say nothing at all…” Ronan Keating

Sometimes words are just not needed. The look, the smile, the nudge, the reassuring hand, says more than the word. And you know what, those moments stay forever in memory….to be lived over and over again.
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PS: Just realized most of the songs have been sung by a man for a woman. Does that make it inappropriate for me to dedicate them? Not that I care…just so you know:-)

You, and the tiny little fingers holding my other hand are my reason for life, and love, and happiness. Just don’t let go off my hands, ever!

Off to catch a nip in the air...

We are running far away from the mumbai madness for our anniversary....and enjoy a little bit of winter.

Agenda also includes introducing V to horse rides and strawberry picking

More about the trip and pictures when we come back:-)

Of F's and B's

When my 4 year old wakes up in the morning crying, and telling his dad " B for Baba has got stuck in between.."
What is supposed to be done?

And when i tell him it is only a dream and " we will pull B out from there", he looks at us with gave concern and continues " F is also stuck with B!"

Should i be worried? Is he having an overdose of alphabet learning?

For those who thought the header meant something else, please get your minds disinfected. We don't say such things, at least not loudly, not in front of V.

PS: TB will disagree, he's caught me saying some choice words with V around. Thankfully V has not learnt any YET!

Missing baby Jesus

...and the Nativity scene. I have not seen one in Mumbai yet.

What ever happened to the nativity scene??How could Christmas be complete without that.

I studied in a Convent school, like most of kerala does, and the best memories of christmas was milling around the nativity scene that used to be put up on the first floor landing. Half yearly exams were just before christmas holidays, and one of the days we come in for exams, it would suddenly appear in the same spot, every year,in all splendour. I must have spend hours milling around it, admiring baby jesus,Joseph and Mary, the shepherds, the three kings, the lambs. Awwww..it was just soo cute. Even better was sneaking into the convent where the nativity scene would be in the open, with real hay and grass.

After sunset....Just the christmas stars and nativity scenes with lights on it. It has an almost magical quality to the season. And then there is always the Plum cakes and home made wines...

The last christmas i enjoyed was with a couple close to us, at their family home, with their entire clan in presence. We ate like there was no tomorrow, talked like it was the last day of our lives, and drank home made wine till we passed out. We also officiated V , by giving him his first glass of wine, which he loved and came around for more.

As of yesterday, our complex has one visible christmas star,which is on our balcony!!! What ever happened to the christmas spirit?

Christmas here, now seems to be more about SantaClaus and the Christmas tree( "X mas tree mama"- as V says it now). Actually more about christ- massy decorations and discounts. And no, i have not even heard one carol till today.

Can i please have the old fashioned christmas festivities please?? It does not feel like christmas at all....Waaahh!

..........so dang bad, it is not even cold, even at night.

Saturday , Sunday & Monday

Saturday

is the day V and me with his friend and mom watched Madagascar 2. BIG cinemas ran out of caramel popcorn for the day after that. After-effects of movie include a hidesign bag still holding remnants of caramel popcorn and a big dent in bank balance. Snack counters should be banned in movie theatres. Period.

Sunday

is the day V got himself a 101 Dalmations bedcover set. He also lovingly offered me the cheeseless garlic bread from Pizza Hut after eating off the cheese in one large bite.He also managed to get his butt frozen staying in the swimming pool with TB.I had to towel his butt his back into shape!

Monday

is the day Santa bought gift for V from Crosswords. Santa aka Mom aka Me, bought the red car with remote in anaticipation of wrangling out best behaviour for the next three days.Now plotting action plan to get the best out of " Santa will bring your gift if....."* wicked smile*

Off i go....on a broom

And so we celebrate..at office

I work a very small office. Small, in the number of employees there are. Considering that in my first job, i was one among 350 employees and in the second one, i was one in some 10, 000 odd, the current figure of 14 is sounding very miniscule.

That means there are no material perks, i can't throw around the " Oh , i am an employee of xxx, so please make sure you put that corporate discount in the bill" line anymore.I do not get vouchers for anniversaries that i forget to reedem till December 30th, when they read " valid till Dec 31st", and then i run off and buy some crap to make use of it.

But here, what i do have is a bunch of colleagues, who are a like a family in itself. All of us know a lot about each other, way too much may be :-)*wink*
I am the last entrant into the team, the rest have been around for ever, i think. I can work peacefully, without being paranoid that the colleague in the next cubicle is scheming to get me ousted( which was the case last time around, there was always some one after my job) First the stress of having a job, then the stress of managing to keep it..too much.
Well, no more.

In the office, we celebrate everything that fancies us....diwali, onam, ganesh chathurthi, eid, india winning a match, completion of 1 year( mine, mine), completion of 8 years, 15 years( yeah, that how long some of them have been around), buying a house, selling a house, a project well completed...anything. All we need is reason to order food and keep at it.

PS: I have figured out that as long as i am here, i will never lose weight. There is someone ordering something to eat , all thought the day, all days of the week. And very lovingly , it is bought is excess to share will everyone.

Today we had our christmas party(if you insist on calling it by a name- for us it is JUST another opportunity to eat:-)). Topped with some gift exchange. The gifts are numbered and picked in random, and they cannot exceed 100 rs.

So here are some pics of the party food( which is the focus of the party BTW)

Those chutney sandwiches and the delectable dip and some of the cakes are home made. Wow!

Our small tree with the gifts around it.


There was carols playing in the background and it is christmas time again. Now all we need is winter( probable) & some snow( in my dreams).

On a side note, i DO need to check the carols CD that was playing. Since when did " Last Christmas" become a carol?!!

Ciao, till we find another excuse to gorge.

If only i could...

8.15 AM- ten minutes to schoolbus

V is having a standoff- holding onto his clothes , insists on being dressed by TB who is in the bathroom, right in the middle of shaving.

Me, almost ready, barks at him from the bedroom that he can stay back if he does not allow to be dressed NOW.



8.17 AM

Me, dressed, steps out and sees V , still holding on to dress, braving tears.

Sits down and gets him dressed. He hugs and does not let go. Gets him dressed, tell him he needs to sleep in the afternoon , else he will be cranky in morning.

V nods, looks up and says "Amma House'l irikko?"- " Will you stay at home ?".
*Gathers up self* " Why kanna?"

" Kannunt'e koode irikko?"- "Will you stay with me?"
* fumbles*" Of course i will..but i have to be at office, i promise i will come soon, then we will......"

TB comes in time,takes V's shoes from my hand and saves me from the disgace of weeping before i leave for work.But.....


In my head, i am perennially questioning my decision to stay a working mom....

-When i realize my baby is growing up , and i am missing seeing him do that.
-Those few moments when before i sleep, realizing i have not hugged or kissed V as much as i wanted.
- When i realize that TB and me have not had a decent conversation in days.
- When we are so tired, we crash on both sides of the bed like strangers...
- When i want to make something special and realize it will have to wait for the weekend. Three hours of commute is. no.fun
- when i have not called family in days because it was past their bedtime when i wrapped up my day.

I enjoy my work, and it was a conscious decision to get back to work after 3 months of having V. We had an option of moving to two different cities then. TB had an offer from a very large company , but the posting was at a remote location. The other offer was from a not so big organization, but it was a bigger city, and i had the option of taking a transfer there.

I was very big on continuing to work so off we went with option 2.

Of late, we have made some significant investments in life..and the first thing TB said was, "now we need your income more than ever". We have never compromised on life- till now, the going has been good. We have EMI's , bill's and now, V's schooling. Additional income is very very welcome. I do not make a great deal, but it counts.

When V was smaller, it was emotionally manageable.I guess it was also because i had my sis living in with us. She was my support system. Now that he is almost four, and we are on our own, i miss being with him more than he does i guess. It is more like a realization that very soon, he may not need me around. And i will be left with a sense of deprivation, of not having been around as much as i wanted to be.

Everytime he turns difficult, i end up questioning my parenting skills. Am i not doing something right? I read a lot of other mom's a feel better that it is not just me. Still does not help that wave of guilt that washes through, more often now than ever.

I hope that TB gets a job somewhere far away, in some other part of the world. Then i will have the perfect excuse to quit and stay at home with V and TB. I can't think of any other excuse to quit working now.

But i SO want to be at home when V returns from school, do things with him. I SO want to feel a little more energetic when TB is back, so i have enough time to just snuggle up. Have time to talk to him about anything other that reminding him to finish this work, pick up this stuff etc.

What i would not give for that day!

The D with legs

So, we have been practising our alphabets for a while. About two months, or something close to that..

After the last parents meeting, after which we( i) resolved to be a complete hands on mom on education, we have made miles of progress. Reading out alphabets where ever he feels fancy is one...asking me for the word is another favourite exercise.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
V reading out random alphabets from anywhere....

V: Mama what is " f.u.n"
Me: That is " fun", as in "masti"

V: "s.a.m.s.u.n.g"...whats that?
Me: Oh..that is " samsung"- it is the name of our fridge.
V: What is the name of the fridge at ammamma's place?
Me: * racks brains- hollow sound*" Hmmm..i think we'll ask her when we call next?"

V: * reading paper over my shoulder* "a.t.t.a.c.k"
Me: "Aahhh...here's your Noddy book. Which story you want me to read?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------
We also write and draw...


That's A, B, H , E and D- which V decided looks better with legs and eyes and ultimately turned into a "bug"

And that is Papa, Mama, himself , and jellyfish( please don't ask why the jellyfish)

I love the picture....see how slender mama is looking , exactly like in real life...

No? errr..okay.

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Tomorrow is next parents meeting...updates after that.

Who do they stand for, anyway???

I read this article today, and wondered what our elected representatives really stand for????

Which exactly was the section of voters these two were trying to represent? Not me, for sure. They held up the flight for four hours inconveniencing other passengers, who had been offered an alternative, but thanks to these two “representatives of the people” were grounded…literally.

I am embarrassed to say i belong to the state they represent (for sure they do not represent my ideals!), and still can’t get over the statement by one of the MP’s- “Our intention was not to cause any inconvenience to the passengers, We wanted to highlight the hardship being suffered by Kerala-bound passengers for quite some time.”

Yeah..right! By refusing to de plane an aircraft with a technical snag, by holding up the departure of an alternate flight for four hours, for inconveniencing the 144 people who has the practical wisdom to move to another plane.

Way to go Mr. MP’s…you have earned your sound bytes, the national media attention you wanted… ….Who cares if this is at the expense of voters who elected you to an MP?

…and by the way, I am still clueless who you were representing? Maybe just yourself???

Nursery admission saga

First the news….

V has got admission into Junior KG!!! By Mumbai standards, it is bigger than making it into a professional college, or so I was told.

For what it is worth, Mumbai just does not have enough schools, and not just reputed schools, just any school. I could say that again and again. I meet people who refuse to move to Mumbai, because getting admissions is Mumbai is a pain in the a**. I had colleagues who were still fighting for an admission in February last year and had resigned myself to the same fate, mentally. It has been a year of angst.

Thankfully we stay in that part of Mumbai which has more schools that the rest of the city. I have been calling up schools, picking up forms, filling them out like we are applying for a PG abroad, and wondering why am I doing so much for the admission of a 4 year old????????

TB and I have studied state board till tenth, and personally I think both of us have done decently in life. It was a little difficult to absorb the obsession about school/ brand / status etc. I still don’t get it. Schools here prefer children with non working mothers, so that they have a family support system. So what is my education worth? Peanuts? I could be a post PhD and a doctor, but………….
“Sorry maam, the school policy prefers to have one stay in parent”. That was the exact line said to my senior colleague, who is a Harvard Business school alumnus, by a “reputed” south Mumbai school. The next time around, she was wiser, she got through, by “lying through my teeth, because that is what they wanted to hear”.

I did not want to lie; I did not want to play down my status and achievements in life. Neither did I want to compromise on his education. The biggest gift that our parents have given us was our education, and we want V to have the best, always. This school was one among the two that I secretly hoped V should get into. It was closest to our house, and the bus comes into our complex, and the review is quite good. And above all, it has a mix of kids from all walks of life. I firmly believe that what we learn in early years form our personality and social foundation, and i definitely do not want him to feel like a very " priviledged" child. He should be able to distunguish between his 'needs' and 'wants'....and i wanted a school where he will learn to appreciate what he has in life and not take it for granted.

Before we walked in, TB said” I am nervous”, and I replied “So am I, but let’s just go and be ourselves. And leave the rest to almighty”. Thankfully, this interview was much better that I expected. Of course they asked everything about me and TB except our horoscopes (which even we have no clue about), and both of us were equivocal.

TB was asked what he had heard about the school and why we chose to apply there. I could almost hear him say “because my wife says this is a decent school and because you called us for the interview”. But the man rose to the occasion and fed them some bull shit about how he has heard from some of our neighbors’, who send their children here about all the good feedback some crap like that. I can vouch for the fact that he does not even know one of those “so called neighbors” he has quoted. But anyhow, they seemed to have bought the story.

The star of the day, however, was the boy himself, who has been showing all the signs of a stand off minutes before we entered the interview room.

He sat where he was asked to, answered all the questions, shied away from singing a rhyme and looked down (!). The clincher was when the principal (I am assuming so) asking him

P: " Why do you want to come to this school?" (Tell me, how does a 4 year old boy respond to that question. I can’t imagine!!!!I was quite sure he would say something in lines of I don’t want to come here)
But surprise, he says” This is a big school”. So what does “princi the porcupine” do? Stop there? No. she goes on….

P: Which school do you study now?
V: “xyz” (current school name)

P: Is that not a big school? Why you want to come here? (I could have strangled her; she was asking all this to a 4 year old!!!)
V: “No, that is a small school, this is a biiiiiig school”*complete with actions*

Then P the Porcupine called him around and gave him a chocolate. He took that, and asked for more, for” papa and mama”. They laughed as they told us that he was admitted! Considering they told most of parents to come back and check the list for admission later on, I re checked again, to make sure I had heard properly. We had made it…..yippee

Phew! That was close. I had thought we had lost out on the rhyme part. It could not have been so simple? We walked out grinning like fools, and very very relieved. We still have to fork out a huge amount as fees, but for now, we have a seat to send him to next June, and better still, at a place we wanted.

Right now, I am feeling like V has made it to Harvard, or Leeds or Princeton…trust me, the paperwork is as much, and so is the relief.

Scene & Heard

I am opening the kitchen cupboard to take out some stuff for making dinner. Then...

V: " What you taking?"
Me-* without looking at him, answers* : "I am taking XYZ"

V: "Why you no ask before opening cupboard, i have told you no opening"
Me-*acts along*: " Okie , can i please open the cupboard and take xyz?"

V- * standing arms folded* : "No, that is not for mama"
Me : " Please?"

V- * finger pointed* " Just one, no more , okay?"
Me: " Okie Sir, anything else?"

V: " And close the door after you take it"
Me * hitting self with closest available object*


TB is switching channels and settles on an action movie...

TB* Increases volume by two points*
V: " Why is this so loud, reduce the volume, i can't hear anything"
TB* Glares at me*
Me* Conveniently looks away*

At dinnertime- me coaxing valiamma to have dinner and go to sleep, she insisting she does not want dinner tonight...

Me: " No, you can't sleep without eating anything, you'll get acidity in the morning"
V* chips in helpfully*: "Valiamma, eat your dinner, how will you grow otherwise??. How will you become big like papa and go to office, how will you grow muscles like popeye?. Come ,eat fast"
Valiamma* ROFL*

Me cooking...

V* walks into kitchen, stands and looks at my antics*
Me* With great elan , removes the roti from the griddle and puts it on direct flame for it to puff up*

V*Visibly upset*: " The roti is crying , waaahhh waaahhh"
Me: "Why Kanna?"

V: " You are burning it no?, that's why"* walks off*
Me* flabbergasted*

V refusing to eat breakfast in the morning and wailing....

Me: " You have exactly five mins to eat and get ready,stop crying NOW"
V:* Another wail and fresh batch of tears*

Me* exasperated*: " Is there a reason you are crying now??"
V* shakes head to say NO, then shakes head vigorously to say YES*

Me* Feeling gulity for being a non empathizing mother- in my most endearing voice*: " What is it kanna? Why are you crying?
V:"The fan is slow"

Me: WTF!

Forgetting comes without trying...the fear lasts

It is almost a week after the carnage in Mumbai and we have moved on..well, almost. We are back at work, at school, and are worried about the cabs going off roads from tomorrow..

But this time, it has not been easy. It IS not easy...the fear, the paranoia has stayed on.

On monday morning, the train was eerily silent. Unknown people did not smile at each other,did not abuse the crowd and it stung.
If the train stopped for more than a minute, worried heads looked out to see why, - has there been another incident?
If a phone was answered with a concerned " what?", everyone perked up to know the rest of conversation...did something happen?
On a regular day in mumbai locals, no one bothered, even if you would have been announcing divorce over the phone!. This time, it is different.

Three days i stayed home, glued to television, starting from 10.00 PM on 26/11.I read and re read the papers, every piece of article written. I wanted to slap mainstream media for their irresponsible coverage. I read my thoughts here, here and here. And several more thought provoking ones like this, this and this.

We were to take V for the Disney Show, and found it difficult to explain why Mickey was not coming to see him. He solved my dilemma, by asking me if it was because of the fire he saw on TV..the fireman was " pouring water- so how will mickey come?". He also added " Mama, don't watch gunfighting and fire today, ok?"
I switched off the TV, went down with him to the park and thanked god for my life.

TB went to work when the rest of the city was scampering back to the safety of their homes. He spent the nights there....and came back to his family three days later.
I think it was right of him to do that...his guests needed the moral support. To trust in this city, in our genuine concern.

I received several messages asking to light candles, to rally and so on. I did light a candle, on 27th night, and prayed that the people still held captive may live to see another dawn.
And no, i did not light any other candle to show my solidatiy for the city, i did not join in any peace march, nothing.

I CARE, as much or maybe more.
But this time, i do not just want to light a candle and show my solidarity. I want to be able to contribute, to help, to be the change i want to see. As a citizen, i do not know what i can do. And that, i think is the biggest failure of our nation.

The biggest let down of all, has been the way the people who are supposedly leading us have acted during this entire episode.
-From our president who thought her presence was not required as the goverment was capable- capable of what????
-Our PM and leader of opposition could not even agree to travelling together!
-The cheif minister, who decided to make this a picnic,
-the home minister whose words of wisdom will not be forgotten too soon,
- a CM elsewhere who fell below his level by retorting at the family of a brave soldier thus. Grief is very personal.
"Mr. CM, grief is very very personal, unless i ask you to share mine, please do not trespass"- will someone please say that to all the polilicians??including this chameleon?

Everyone i know has either a friend, a relative , an acquaintance of someone they know who has been there during the ordeal...we spend the non working hours talking about the various narratives we hear..some real, some untrue, some rumours....

Of course, in another few days, we will forget and get back with bickering on trains. Marine Drive and Gateway will have its nocturnal visitors again...

As i step out to work each day , all i pray for now is to be able to come home in the evening and share the day with my loved ones.That is all i need for now, and ever.

My revenge plots

In the middle of a serious discussion, the other person says “I’ll call you back, I am getting another call” and hangs up.

I am anxious to finish the conversation, and get the plan in place (being the worrywart that I am).I keep staring at the phone, expecting it to ring any moment…

It does not…..for I minute, for 5 minutes, for 30 minutes, for an hour,
--- For what seems like eternity.

I get back to doing other stuff, absent mindedly, waiting for the phone to ring….And mentally plotting revenge on the person who is to call you back,
--Because, I know he/ she is not going to call back, the plan is not going anywhere,
--Because I am the (only) one responsible around here, and I will end up doing everything on my own,
-- Because I hate being superwoman and all that stuff.

I am still doing other stuff, waiting for the phone to ring, and my revenge plot is getting thicker now. I have disowned, denounced all sorts of relationship with the other party, given up on them for life, and am currently plotting life sans the other person.

I have, by now, lamented my state of affairs, compared it with a lot of peers, come to the conclusion that I have got a raw deal in life…..

The superwoman alter ego wakes up, figures out all this can be done by self, shoves whining self persona into the closet and plans it all out to the T, including the revenge. Exactly then,

Phone rings, other person calls back…………
Revenge plot dies!!!

Happens very often in my world…………………..

I am like dis only...

All of us have quirks; I have not met anyone who claims to have none, yet.

I have zillions. Zillions of tiny quirks, some that even I do not realize exist. Some known to the entire family.

I love sitting on the floor when I am chatting up my family back at our native place , I just feels more- normal- don’t ask me why.

I have to, have to, wash my feet and face, just before I sleep.

I had a lucky dress, way back in college/ school, the one that I wore for my finals, my college interview and admission. Well, I did well in the test, got the admission and TB fell for me on the day of admission (this piece of trivia, he disclosed to me after 3 years and 10 months, or something close to that)

I have to spread the toothpaste all over the bristles, with my fingers, before I start brushing( I do that with V’s brush too)

And many many more….

And the one that I just discovered last night!

After we got V off the nappies, I started waking up once during the night to take him to the loo….no, it has not been fool proofed yet, but we( read- me) still try.

What has happened though, is that I have got into this habit of waking up in the middle of the night, and taking rounds of the house.

I wake up, use the restroom, drink water from the fridge, go to the front door, check the locks and the windows, making sure all our possessions are intact, go back to kitchen, wonder if I have forgotten to soak anything for the morning( I actually did that too once). Peep into the spare room to ensure v’amma has not vanished, find her covers from the other end of her bed and put them on her. Come back to the bedroom, kiss peacefully sleeping V to disturb him, physically lift TB’s arm and leg occupying my part of the bed, shove them to the other side, lie down and promptly go to sleep again.

I have been doing this for over two years now, and did not even give this routine a thought till last week. Last week, when TB’s cousin was visiting, I was on my regular rounds and was about to peek into the room and -----

I realized it was not v'amma sleeping in the room. Damn!

I’ll have to cut out that part of the routine, lest I get into trouble with visiting couples.

As for the remaining stuff, I am kinda liking it. It is a nice feeling to wake up, and check around and know that all’s well with my world.
Guess I’ll keep this quirk ‘coz I like it.

And therein begins our..trials and anxiety

Tomorrow we are officially collecting the first of the application forms from a local school for V. And therein....stepping gingerly into the trials and tribulations of education sytem in India.

Whatever Mumbai has in abundance, it does not have enought schools. I could shout out that from any rooftop you want me to, totally.

I am given to understand from his friends mother that if i go in with all the required documents and fill up an submit the form tomorrow itself, they will let me know the interview dates immediately.

Wait a minute..she said " interview"

---- interview, who? . Turns out me and TB have to be there, and we get interviewed.

Okay, we knew this was coming. So i promptly call up TB and tell him so, verbatim. There is a full minute of silence before he says ..

" Should we carry any files???''

Anxiety is taking over. PERIOD!

Boooooomeranged

Last weekend,we were driving around with TB's cousin who was visiting us, and it was one of those rare occassions where V was sittting with him in the passenger seat. Usually that is where i sit, and make sure he doesn't change the gear to reverse while TB is driving,

So we stop in between to fill gas, TB steps out and----------

* horror* A very inquisitive tiny hand goes to the steering wheel, the handbrake and gear

Me *shouts*----"don't you dare touch that ...the car is still on"-------------* exasperated sigh*

V * turns in slow motion- points finger*----------------" Don't shout,i can understand if you say without shouting"



Cousin * laughs his guts out*

Me *startled!- boomeranged expression on face*

Three cheers to Google desktop!!!!

If you ask me what is the one invention that has changed the life of mankind...oh , okay the life of this blogger, It is called------------

" Google desktop"

Thank you for helping me restore these three posts that were earlier published on Nov 14th, Nov17th and Nov 19th ( not in that order though).

I can sleep in peace tonight!

Yeah ...just about a zillion times

I spent the first few months of marriage with TB's family, away from TB, for various reasons- (another story, another day).

Of course, it hurt that TB was away, but I have to admit that i enjoyed those few months. What is known of them as a family is thanks to that quality time. All the weight that I still carry around is also thanks to that.
-All of them love food. From a family that eats to survive, it was quite a change.
- Cooking up treats is a way of showing how much they love you. I got tons of both—love, and treats.

Another very interesting discovery was that TB’s dad has dozens of old movies, collected over years. Actually, he likes to collect a lot of things, anything that fancies him to be precise. And----he loves watching them again and again. I think I ended up watching “Lawrence of Arabia” about 52 times, or maybe more!

-Please note…dad with tell you the technical aspects of each scene in the movie, how it was made and every trivia you never knew existed. About 52 times over!

-And---he falls asleep in between the movie, while you are trying to pay attention for the 52nd time. Wakes up to figure out that he missed about twenty minutes of the movie, rewinds that part and starts again. Falls asleep-misses part of movie-wakes up- rewind-watches missed part-falls asleep- misses part of movie….you get it.
Technically, I think I must have watched some parts of the movie about 326 times.

- He also likes to quote anecdotes/ real life stories. And he will have one ready for most situations, for most events, people, and everything that matter. And! You will hear these every time that specific topic is broached, which is very often- it is quite a large family, and all of them love to talk. So when he starts an anecdote, all of us know exactly what story is, who the cast of characters are, what happened etc. And since it is harmless, no one actually reminds him that they have heard this about 100 times before. Let the man have his say.

Now, why is this significant? Here’s why----

TB looks like his dad
- Has the same features( I dread the pot belly, which is on an aggressive growth path right now)
- Is as or maybe more stubborn.
- Can sit straight up and sleep comfortably( complete- with snores)
- Loves perfumes.
- Loves food. Thinks eating healthy = non vegetarian food everyday
- Loves collecting movies – some never get watched- actually never get opened at all.
- Collects things just because it fancies him, though he may never use them after that first wave of fancy dies.
- And gives them away to people who ask for it, just like dad does (I know of several people who have their homes set up thanks to dad).

And….most importantly,

-Repeats stories- since I do not have the patience and perseverance that TB’s mom does, I am trying not to chuckle and remind him that I have heard this one before, just about a zillion times.
- Falls asleep during movies- misses part of movie- wakes up- rewinds, watches missed part- falls asleep again- misses ………. How?????

Whoever said that genes do not pass on habits, lied- blatantly.

"It is by chance we met . . .

…….By choice we became friends."



Yesterday, when I was speaking to a neighbor, she asked me a question that set off this discussion.

She asked “Why do you let V play with Z all the time, you know it not the wisest thing, there are much smarter kids out there. Maybe you should direct V to be friendlier with them”



Should I ? Why?The child Z in discussion is V’s close friend, have a fantastic set of parents who adore him, is very good looking and has a temperament to die for. His shortcoming? ----At 5 years of age, he still does not speak coherently.

So? It’s just a matter of time.



I see V and him playing, cycling around, sometimes in a gang, sometimes on their own, and V keeps chatting…Z actually picks up words and talks back to V. He is everything V would like in a good friend. They understand each other, they complement each other….What more can I ask for?So I turned to my neighbour and said “Why should i? They love each other’s company, they stand up for each other, and they understand each other..isn’t that what friends are supposed to be? Are you worried that he not speaking will rub off on V and he will become any less smart than he is now?Maybe Z will learn faster with V around, and maybe Z’s temper will rub off on V..i’d like to look at it that way”.



It is his choice..and I know friends can’t be made. They have to happen….When i was growing up, my parents were not really keen about some of the children i was friendly with in class. No..it had nothing to do with religion, class, gender etc, but another reason i found rather strange then. They weren't smart or good enough!

I remember dad once fleetingly mention that "You'll be better of in school if you are friends with children who do better than you in class, with smarter kids". He i assume, must have thought that some part of their smartness might just rub on me? Maybe. It is a different thing that i never got around actually doing that.



Years later, i wondered why he had said that, and realized that in his social circle at that time, his recognition was directly proportional to his child’s academic/ extra curricular performance and who is your child rubbing shoulders with. And he obviously would have wanted to see that his child- me - did that with the right crowd. Well, the topic died the day i came home and announced my marks in class 10. He was hoping i would do better than his colleague's daughter, the one whose parents sat up all night while she studied for board exams.I did better, out of 5, 49000 students who appeared for the exams, I was ranked 32nd across the state. I was content. He stopped questioning my capabilities, forever.



Back to friends, i moved to stay in a hostel and study, because i got into the college of my choice. In the first year, i was in the dorm with 8 others, and all of us were stars in class.When it came to choosing a roommate for the second year, i just could not figure out anyone i wanted to be with.



I ended up choosing a girl who was not a part of the star gang. And i was very happy. We absolutely loved each other company. She was much grounded. She changed my perspectives about a lot of things in life.



Dr H- if you ever read this, i haven't thanked you enough for that year :-)



Over the years, this is what i have learnt about friends....



-They don't need to be around all the time

- They definitely do not need to be better than you. Having friends from all walks of life is a great leveler. It tells you what you have that you do not appreciate.

- There is never a wrong time to call them.

- When you need them, they are ALWAYS there. At different walks of our life, we have needed help. It was always our friends who stood up for us, and most often, not the same ones.
-----I have lived in with a colleague and her husband for a month when i was in last stages of my pregnancy, and when TB was away. I had known them for 5 months then.
-----I was fed and taken care of by another friend and wife, who had met me about three times before that.
-----One couple who have stood by us through thick and thin for the last few years started out being TB’s bosses.
-----Three of the people I can call as good friends today, were first met as colleagues at my second job.


And no…I did not choose them; I did not ask them to be my friends. They just became. And none of them are rockstars, they are not the smartest t out there in the world- not the most successful. But they are the best for me.



“A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway. -- Fr. Jerome Cummings”

Mayday mayday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My last three posts have dissappeared........I am doomed!

Right now i feel like my entire world is crashing around...Why does blogger not reconfirm when you accidentally delete the post itself instead of only the label??????????????

With my limited technological knowledge, i am off to figure out if i can revive the posts that ran away

Presenting--- Mr Ladybug

We did our first craft project last week, and how!


V had a school fancy dress wher he had to go as an insect of a flower. We had got the information about this long ago, but in my usual procrastinationg mode, i just let it be.

Having done this last year, i decided to chicken out and take the same route- hire a costume. In mumbai, you can get anything, for a price. So there i was, ready to face this event, all mentally prepared.


What i did not anticipate though, was a healthy overdone of parental guilt!. The weekend before last, i started getting guilt pangs about my non participativeness. I had a horrible feeling that i was turning into one of those moms who have all the money and material pleasures , but no time for their children. Aaaarrrgh!!
So i went to office, and took advice from my colleagues at office of what i could do. And man, i did get tons of advice. Experienced, practical advise.


Armed with all that, i asked V what he wanted to be "flower" or "insect"? Of Course..he wanted to be an insect. Good- what if i had turned him into a flower and he disowns me 15 years later because of what i did?
Then we took his insect book and looked at all the pictures...and decided on Ladybug. So ladybug it is..Errr..is there a Mr. ladybug? Never mind.


I spent two evenings after work collecting the things i needed for the costume. I decided to make him wear black from top to bottom and make a wing( bump??) on his back ,coloured red with black dots on it. The plan sounded perfect to me.


The show was on Saturday and friday evening, back from work, i started on the costume. For the wing, i made the frame with thin wire and made the antennae with a metal hair band and red balls , that was available everywhere for christmas decorations.Just when i hit a mental block on how to cover the frame with paper, TB walked in. Wonderful!


He covered the entire frame with paper and covered the top with red felt paper. By the time we were done , it was much past midnight. We crashed after leaving it out to dry. The highlight of the night being V slicing off a part of my finger along with the cellotape, and wailing because he hurt me:-)


In the morning, i added the spots on it with black felt circles, attached strings to tie the wings around his shoulder and did the finishing touches. And we were ready to roll.
The fancy dress was nothing spectacular..
-Parents sauntering in at their wish, holding up the event.
- Most kids refusing to pose and clinging onto their parents.
- The principal asking the parents to stop talking to each other so all of us could hear what the kids had to say..
- As usual, chaos.




V went in second, enjoyed every moment of the attention and said his lines. He went around telling his teacher that his mama and papa made the costume * heart swells with pride*.
So we have figured out that we are not so bad at this fancy dress thingie after all. I have been asked to safekeep the costume by all my colleagues, so they can use it sometime.
Recognition!makes you feel good and want to do stuff all over again. Maybe not! my finger is still sore and painful. I'll give it a while.


Attaching some pictures of V in his costumes. The honey bee was the last years costume, the hired one-*smiles sheepishly*. The other one , behold - is the in house creation.

Now again....He does look a little impoverished, doesn't he?...Impoverished ladybug!!

Birthday gift...

Saturday was TB's birthday. Since mom and dad were leaving that day, i decided to get a cake the night before and celebrate it at midnight. So on my way back,i picked up a cake and a gift for TB.
Keeping up with my policy of treating V as a little adult, i told him that it was dad's birthday tomorrow, so we will be cutting a cake for him and then he can give him the gift(pronounced as gif-at). Then, in my most secretive tone, told him that it is a surprise and we will not tell anything to papa. He was thrilled, at being let in on his first secret and was all set to play his part- or at least that is what all of us thought.
TB rings the bell. All of us- mom, dad, self and V are sitting around the sofa- V rushes to open the door, squeals when he sees TB outside, and in the most exciting tone ever, shouts----

" Mama's got a birthday gift for you, its a secret. Come fast and open, i want to see what is in there"
There is a moment of stunned silence, TB breaks into a grin and all of us roll around laughing. So much for a birthday surprise.

PS: My lesson for the day-Never trust almost 4 year olds to keep a secret.

Very important weekend

Very busy weekend ahead..some life altering decisions need to be discussed and decided by our small family. Hope to be back on monday with a clear head and better direction on the course of our life.

Inheritances in health

Every family seems to inherit a lot from their elders, especially when it comes to health, and more specifically ill health and allergies.
My sister has completely taken over from mom. She has the slight wheezing/ skin ailments that mom has, and it has been there as long as i can remember.
I had exhibited all possibilities of inheriting all the unwanted stuff from dad. My systems are all screwed up starting from neck to the top( the brain is not included). Tonsilitis( from dad), blocked nose if i as much stand before an A/C( from dad?) and all associated stuff. These are from age 5 , so the family is kind of used to the fact that i am sneezing away to glory most of the year, and my sister is heavily moisturizing her ankles, even in monsoon.
For the last one year , a new phenomenon has started, i wake up with an arbid blocked nose, that transpires into a heavy throat pain, and my voice changes-sometimes i even sound like TB- and in about three days, lose my voice completely.
Not nice at all, considering that-
-I love talking.
-My job involves talking, most of the day.
- I love singing along with the radio.
- The doc seems to have no idea why this happens- she suspects allergy!

Allergy? WTH, where did this come from?
" Family...please raise your hands those who have contributed this one to my genes"

PS: V seems to be inheriting his mothers legacy as of now...
-he gets a cold sitting with the car A/C on.
-has been treated with asthalin on three occassions in his four years of existence.
- that dark patch on his ankle may turn out to be rough skin( god forbid!)
Maybe i should end the list here.Period!

Remembering a little boy with oodles of attitude

I came across an old acquaintance very recently. Someone i was not in regular contact( which is very unusual for me)for about a decade now.

I could not have come at a worse time than now. They were a very typical nuclear family, father, mother and son. The son, who was the world to his parents , lost his life in june in an unfortunate accident. Read about it here. I remember the boy from ten years ago, he used to walk into dad's office with his mom and looks exactly like the dad. And an attitude to die for .

While there are several theories going around about what really happened, there is no denying the pain and loss the parents are going through. I have seen the pain at close quarters, nineteen years ago, on a sunday morning. The date was July 9th , 1989 and it still hurts for all of us. The pain never goes away, especially with the parents. It just starts waning, along with their life.

Being a mother now, i have this urge to just hold onto V and not give him up to the world. Keep him from everything that is not right. Alchohol, drugs, lies, hatred, road rage, jealousy , everything. I know it is impossible and impractical. I also now that as he grows older, he will have a world of his own, his ideas, his views about life, and they may not agree with mine or TB's most of the time. It will be upto him to find his balance, all i can do is point him in the right direction and trust he has the faith and conviction to choose what is right.

While the legal battle is being fought out to find out what really happened, if the boys were under the influence of alchohol, who was responsible, who is to be punished etc, i wish with his parents that he comes back, and make their lives complete. R I P Curran. May God be with you and peace be with your parents.

If only.

We are excellent candidates for the "TATA SKY" ad that has been doing rounds for a while now. Only thing i am not too sure is " if it is going to keep us together" at this rate.

For a family of three, we spend way too much time in front of the idiot box. That stupid thing, along with the DVD player, and now the X box, has completely taken over our family time. TB comes back, plops in front of the TV and starts watching something on either of the first two, or more recently, starts playing some game( add son who is catching on very fast). All this, while we get about 2 hours in a day, as family!

No niceties, no playing with kid, no asking each other about the day, to talking to each other. I might as well have been living in another house, i might as well have been non existent. I see V trying get our( i use the word "we" very loosely here) attention by doing something he should not. So that we at least notice.

I am not sure how this works with others.Of course, all of us work hard, come home to unwind and DEFINITELY need some form of relaxation. I do not disagree with that. I see us turning into one of those houses that we look down on...buying love with money and materials, and never through quality time with each other. I could watch that movie again at some stage in life- these days with V and each other will never come back again.

If only we learn to appreciate what we have in life when it is still there....

Not really the nuclear family types

There is something very comforting about walking into a house filled with loved one's. I just had to say that.

In our early days of marriage,the worst part of the day was coming back from work and opening the door to an empty , dark house. It always depressed me, till TB came home, or something equally interesting happened. I think partly the reason why we decided to have V is because it became too much( or too less) to handle after a point in time.

After V happened to us, one thing i always look forward to every working day, is the smile that breaks on V's face when he seems me on the other side of the door.I can remember that moment for the last three and half years-the toothless grins and gurgles, the wobbly unsteady legs holding my hand and walking me to the sofa from the door.

And now, as soon as i ring the bell---i hear all these noises in the very same order. It is like the tonic to all my ailments
-a very audible gasp
- a loud " amma has come!"- in that very excited "OMG- i can't believe it!" tone
-noise of numerous things falling all over the house
-little hands fumbling with the locks
-shouting at valiamma to help when the safety lock is on
- chuckles from behind the half open door, waiting for me to act surprised and find him.

It feels like home!and all the troubles of the day magically dissappear.

The last few days, i go home and see my parents and V sitting around the room, drawing , painting, cutting and doing whatever a 4 year old would want to do. I just feels so nice to have loved one's around.

I have figured out i am not the type who really enjoys being a nuclear family..i need people around, my family, loved one's, and - the more the merrier!

Yet

There is a dialogue in the movie Spiderman 3 where Aunt May asks Peter Parker why he has not proposed to Mary Jane yet.He says....

"You said a husband's gotta put his wife before himself. I'm not ready. "

I wonder how many men even think about this before they get married? If they did, we would maybe have 80% less marriages. They are just incapable of getting this right.

I am a coward

Like zillions of other people in Mumbai, who spent yesterday in the safe confines of their home, instead of doing what they should have been doing- only, i was not at home. I went to work, not because I chose to be brave and defy fear, because I did not know the situation till I got to office. I was in the train, when I started receiving calls from colleagues and family asking if everything was fine. That is when I knew what to expect for the day, and panic set in. Walked out of the train to a station teeming with cops and called myself lucky to get a cab.

At 11.00 AM, we had three men walk into our office, asking us to leave and down the shutters for the day (modern building that we are, we do not even have a roll down shutter!). We spent the remainder of the day in an office, with doors and windows shut from outside, lights dimmed out and the TV on, watching mayhem break around the city.
All of us made numerous calls to family and loved ones, checking they were safe, and planning our strategy to get back home. We saw cabs being stoned at , auto’s being stopped and vandalized and miscreants ruling the road. At two thirty PM, when the road outside was safer to travel, we left office, and reached home- all the while feeling- like an absolute coward.

What should I be doing? Take this fear lying down? This is the second time this year that Mumbai shut down due to fear…and frankly, if it repeats – I might just do the same thing again------------ Be meek, scared, avoid confrontation, run away from the truth and act like it is none of my problem till I am directly affected by it, even when rage boils inside.

This entire series of events over the last few months have eroded my faith and affection for Mumbai as the cosmopolitan city it was. The public have been made into puppets…it’s a game out there, and I do not know who is right or wrong, who I should support, or better still, Who will support public in times of need?. Public here does not refer to marathi’s or bihari’s or UP’ites, or bengali’s . It is just ALL OF US. The entire bunch of people who call Mumbai their home.

Who says it is the prerogative of a native community to exercise control over the local geography? If so, we should have not even welcomed modernization, leave alone globalization. For the last 50 odd years, we have accepted people of all geographies, caste, creed and community across cities in the country. Where did this “love for my state” arise from? Does that mean the rest of the cities in the country follow suit?
So we will have Delhi/ Bangalore/ Chennai/ Kolkata/ Hyderabad / Pune revolting against non locals working there? Insane! Should we also have the Non local business houses / institutions shut shop and move to their home states?? Now that would be a pretty picture!

We are going back to pre independence era. If anyone ever wants to take over our country, now is the right time.Come on all of you-we are too busy fighting with each other to even take notice.

I have ranted, vented out my feelings here and am running away from the problems with my tail tucked under, as cowardly as ever. I am one of those faceless mumbaikars who are angry , but too scared to stand up for what is right. I hate myself for that!

I take the first step...

It was parents meeting at V's school today. I have to mention here that there were more mothers than fathers present, even if both parents are working...says something?

- Mothers job not important??she can afford to take off from work and spend two hours in school! Fathers are running the world?

- Fathers do not want to be the one's representing the child? They chicken out on responsibility? Just to note, there were no "fathers only" who had come in.....

I have my own views on this..and it is a dicussion for another day, a very serious one.

Back to the meeting, it went quite well. I dread these meetings. With new age schools, i keep getting worried, never know what feedback they have about our kid. When we put him in last year, he had difficulty getting used to two new languages, english, and hindi. This year, he's been speaking in both, plus his mother tongue, so that's sorted out.

Then came his teacher last year who commented that he needs to improve his fine motor skills( read- holding pencils and writing/ drawing). Scared the shit out of me at first. If our walls are any testimony to go by....he has mastered the art this year.

All has been fine this year, and his teachers have been kind enough to tell us that he is a pleasure to have in class( initially i thought it was a general comment they make to all parents- till i overheard some of the grilling other parents were being subject to. I mentally thanked my stars, thanked V , and quickly exited).

She left me with one comment- V is not very proficient in identifying alphabets, while he answers most of the other questions first, when it comes to identifying alphabets, he takes a while,and someone would have answered before him. She told me that he feels a little let down if his friend identifies alphabets before him, and i need to work with him on that. She also mentioned that by the end of the year he would have definitely picked up most of them, but maybe i should start now, so he can feel better about it.

Frankly, i have not worked on his alphabet reading. While i read out to him, we spend time of general knowledge,paint/ draw etc, i have not really started 'teaching ' him. Maybe we should. I feel i have not invested time on this, and i am going to correct it.

So we are embarking on a "know your alphabet" mission , starting this weekend. Hoping to make it as creative and enjoyable for him...

And for me..this is going to be the first proper teaching activity. Wish me luck, and i hope to be at least half as capable as my mother.

Just some stuff about our life

Realized that i completely missed talking about of extended , eventful weekend. it was... very eventful.

TB and myself had taken the weekend off to show dad around the city. We went on a long drive to Lonavala on thursday. It was such a pleasure to get out of sveltering mumbai. We even had fog on the way back!Bought loads of chikki for the family and candies for son( and father, though he'll never admit that in public- remind me to tell his colleagues in the next party).
We came home by early evening and V started a temp. Got worse over night..i was dreading the convulsions and kept sponging him. Ran to the doc, who promptly told us to keep him home.
That was it!All our grand plans down the drain!

Adventurous couple we are, took the feverish, recovering child along for a small trip since we were feeling too guilty of having left dad all by himself last few days. V came home and crashed. The kid could take no more. The crash helped..he woke up the next day all bright and smiley, so we did most of our pre planned trips then. After a long, exhaustive day spent on the road/ rail and sea...V 's fever showed up again!!And he stayed home for the next two days..recuperating( theoretically..the term really does not apply to kids of his age).

I'll take a minute here and retrospect. Quite a lot of people will find it completely unacceptable that we carted around a not so well child for two days since we wanted to travel. Does that make us bad parents? I knew it was risky, but hey, we know where to draw the line...Moreover , i'd rather him have a not so protected life. Bad parents? Never! Risk takers? Sure, but planned one's. I''m just justifying our actions here. In case anybody is even remotely interested.

Back to other stuff..................
The next day morning, we dropped of dad at the airport for an early flight. We had to promise V bumper car rides to keep him from being a stowaway. He was even ready to sit inside his bag and go, if dad would as much agree with a nod. Well, bribery always works at this age, and we still have our kid at home:-)
Having a kid at home can be very useful when you need help ....

"s'il vous plaît répondre à mes commis de cuisine"( please meet my commis chef)




He's a fantastic commis, till he discovers that objectionable black thingie with buttons mom had hidden away!!!

Then he is of no help...he turns deaf and non existent in this house...."ye ther,c'mon fella..we've lots of work to do"



I swear i could almost hear him say" buzz off!"

Some other day...more about that "black thingie" slowly taking over my life.

I wish...

I am fairly egoistic! I have to admit that..i put my foot down on what i believe to be right, with anyone. I may not be right always, but who is anyway? TB is equally egoistic. The man runs his share of the world and it is quite normal to be so.
The problem usually is , when there is an argument- most of the time- the real reason for the argument dissappeares over a spate of accusations and then the egos clash. And when egos step in, it stops being a argument , and morphes into something very personal, and both sides refuse to give up.
I hate that! Arguments should remain arguments. Is it beyond common human nature to wish that we stick to the problem in perspective and not add dimensions to it? I hope not...
That is my wish for the day! For us to be able to seperate our arguments and egos. Life would be so much simple!

"Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild" Welsh Proverb

We have granddad at home. Granddad and kiddo are thrilled to be with each other and are over the moon. And our status is life has taken a considerable beating!

TB has been reduced to being the driver of our car and me the in- house cook. Valiamma has been told by V to pack up and leave for her house.

Snooty little worm, this son of mine. I will let him have the pleasure of ignoring us till dad is here and them show him who the boss is.

Unfortunately, just about when realization will dawn on him, the other set of grandparents will land.

Then we (TB, myself and valiamma) become non existent.
-I will not even have the in house cook status -mom will take over kitchen!
-TB does not have to be driver-my parent’s idea of a vacation is staying indoors with V, indulging him. We’ll have to manhandle to get them to step out.
-Valiamma can vanish into thin air for all V cares- she is currently going through this depressing phase of “I think V does not like me anymore, because he does not need me to fuss around all the time”…now again, who is the kid here?

V wakes up asking for granddad, eats sleeps, plays- with grand dad, and is right now contemplating going back to Kerala when he returns next week. He does not even talk to me when I call!

Sob..sob! ………..Please excuse the cook while she sulks at her current state of affairs.

Driving away the blues...

Swamped by work and attacked by unrelenting cough/ throat pain and that " i think i'm going to come down with a temp" feeling. Horrible!
I do not like the idea of having to stay curled up on the sofa over the weekend. Here's hoping it is only a feeling.
TB's dad is here on Sunday evening, so we have lots of news and goodies to look forward to. He called up in advance to ask what we all wanted and V , in all his elements gave his list

1. Dosa(*dumbfounded*!!WTH. As it is, in betwen TB and me, he looks like we eat his share of food also, and then he goes and does this!!)
2. One chocolate( Dad asked him which one? so he said " the brown one")- very clear. Not brand conscious Y.E.T
He is here for a week, and this is his first time in the city. We have taken the next weekend off to show him around and hopefully, catch up on some places we have never managed to see yet.

Before that i have three action packed working days, where i am to manage three weeks worth of work. Good luck to me!

I am going home and popping an paracetamol, and building up my reserves for next week.

I prefer it this way

Everyday, when I get home, I get greeted by general pandemonium. There are toys on the floor, on the table and every part of the house. You cannot walk without tripping over crayons and a million other knick knacks strewn around. On top of that, there is a 3 and half year old flying out of the door to jump onto me. The radio is playing, so is his keyboard, where he has managed to press a key so far down that the single note is playing non stop.

All I need by then is some rest. I am dying to sit down, take off my footwear, take a shower, and feel like a human being again. All hopes of that get quashed when V decides that now is the opportune moment for him to bring out the coloring book. I am forced to sit down with him, and comment on each picture.
There are days when I wish V would sleep before I reach home (that sounded quite mean, even to me) and I could get some well deserved r.e.s.t

Two days ago, V was asleep when I got home. Just my luck!. I did all that I wanted to, took medicines for my bad throat, which my doctor has affectionately labeled as follicular tonsillitis, and warned as contagious.
I settled down and waited for TB to arrive, and instead of feeling quite relaxed about having all the time to myself, I was MISERABLE! .In about half an hour, I went from miserable to desperate and was contemplating waking up V. I just could not handle the silence.
Thankfully TB arrived soon. We had dinner and settled into the sofa and watched TV for a while…After some time, TB said ‘the house is so quite , and lifeless’. Totally so!

I would prefer the pandemonium any day, as opposed to this silence. Being a parent has rendered me incapable of a sedentary lifestyle. …..and I am not complaining.

Sleepy ..and croaking!

We have caught the virus...V and myself. I am quite convinced that this one came in from V's school and firmly planted itself in his nose and throat.

In between the numerous slurpy kisses and half chewed stuff he lovingly offers me everyday, some of the virus found way into my throat too( if this description sounds too yucky! to you, run far away from this blog).

So now i am croaking, and dreading the thought of eating. My tonsils are giving food a hard time to go by and testing my endurance levels.

V is in the next stages... he has coughing fits and it scares the hell out of me. And they always, note always, start after you have finally put him to sleep and have just crashed. So last night, i was up at 1.26 AM, trying to figure out what to do to stop his cough( i couldn't even stand straight, forget thinking straight). So i gave him warm water and cough syrup, no luck!

If you have parents like mine, they will tell you little gems of information like "the best way to cure a dry cough is dry heat"- Which means heat pads on the chest. For the lesser souls like us, ironed towels on the chest. That is precisely what i was doing up at 1.26 AM. Ironing towels( trying not to iron my fingers in the process) and applying them to V's chest. This went on till about 2.18 AM, when V decided to call in a night( day?) and fall asleep. So did his mom, who still had to unplug the iron and put it back before crashing. And then struggle to get back to proper sleep.
So here i am today, sleepy, groggy( after 6 lozenges!), croaky( despite the lozenges) and quite ill tempered.
For those who are curious to know where the other parent was , all through this???.....He was RIGHT THERE!!!. On his side of the bed, which is about 10 inches away from all this action. He woke up to find out what the commotion was all about, appreciated my efforts on childcare with a 'huh?' and promptly went back to snoring. I am now wondering what made me keep quite?I am pretty sure i wasn't capable of thinking.

Next time, he gets to iron. He irons his shirts better than i do...guess it is only natural that he gets to do what he is better at. Even if it is at 1.26 AM.

Still getting over Goa!

The congratulations on a well managed and wonderfully planned and executed conference are still pouring in. The entire office is thrilled and still trying to get over it.
Meanwhile,some more of the fabulous pictures from there....I am definitely going back to Goa..with TB and V of course, hopefully soon.

Today is.....

International Girl Child Day, not another of those innumerous days invented and promoted by greeting card companies. A day to promote very special cause.

I would like to believe that we do not need a day to promote a cause like this, but I am wrong , I know it. In a country where you can still read posters that go” Spend Rs. 600 now and save Rs. 50000 later”- referring to foetal sex determination test and avoidance of dowry in case of a girl child, I call myself fortunate.

Have I been a victim of gender discrimination? I have, though not a deliberate and forced one, it still did exist. My mother is the only girl in a brood of 5 that my grand mom had. When all her grandchildren turned out to be girls, she rooted for the grandson who was born the youngest. And in the process, she made us realize that gender discrimination was a reality in our lives. It would not have made a difference if he was treated especially because he was the youngest; it was always because he was a “boy”.
I still hold the discrimination against her. I guess that my strong feeling for being treated as a ‘girl’ had a lot to do with changing a slightly bewildered 12 year old to someone who stood up for my mother against the elders in out family. I was not a rebel; i was just asserting my identity. And till date, I know I was right in doing that. Mom does too.

I grew up in a generation of girls. 7 on my mother’s side and 8 on my father’s side. Each one of them completely different, capable, independent, successful, and over everything, special in their own way. Between all of us, we have a chemist/ a researcher, two bankers/ two engineers/ one consultant/ an entrepreneur/ a teacher/ and two wonderful women to prioritize family ahead of profession. I am proud, to say the least. Each of them have gone through their share of darkness in life and come out fighting,

Here are the women in my life I adore, love and cherish…

My mother is one of the most resilient women I have ever come across in my life. She was brilliant at maths, and regretted all her life for not having completed her education , and not being able to work. Life happened to her too fast. I was born when she was 21. She reminded me at every opportunity in life that I need to be independent, that I need to stand on my feet before anything else in life. I thrived on that. It was my single motivation at times. Who I am today, is because of her.

My sister is completely different from me, but is regarded by her family and friends as the one they can fall back on, anytime in life. She is gentle, compassionate, and very, very loving. And very good at what she does. She is just not as vocal. She approaches everything in life with meticulous planning. Having her in my life taught me to share, love , be compassionate, and above all, gave me a best friend for life.

TB’s mom and her sisters. They are most strong willed people I have met in my life. The four sisters are fighters, In true sense. They fought against life and each of them today, are retired professionals who came up from the most difficult circumstances in life. Their dad died a very proud man, that much I know. He could not have asked for better children. And I could not thank them enough for TB.

It would be unfair to stop this post if I do not talk about…..

My father, who stood up for me when I needed most- when the family wanted me to be married at 18, he chose to let me go away and study what I wanted to. We always had arguments when I was younger, I now realize (which my mom said long ago!) that it was because I was like him, in all senses. Where I am today in life, is because of him.

TB, the one person who gave me complete freedom in life to be myself, chose what I want to do, and never asked me why? Even when things went horribly wrong. He just stands by and tells me to get up and start again. He did not have an ego problem having a wife who was earning more than him at some point in life. Who has never imposed on me any of his personal interests. Growing up in a joint family with his mom and sisters is a lot of influence on a boy’s life. He respects women in a way that that is very rare.And loves me for the person I am, appearances never mattered to him.
My persona, my strength and individuality today, is because of him.

I know I have drifted considerably from where I started, but….It just seemed the day I needed to thank everyone for making my life so wonderful. I can’t help but feel as a fortunate girl child. There needs to be more of us. And none of those posters.